Monday, March 03, 2014

Where's Liza?

May have had a tad too much wine during the Oscars. Someone explain to me why Owen Wilson was being so mean to Liza Minnelli? 

A study shows buttocks enhancement surgery increased 58% in 2013. Now, don’t confuse this with buttocks enhancement surgery that increases the buttocks 58%, that procedure goes by the name: a Kardashian.
I don't want to say Ellen Degeneres was too mean to Liza Minnelli, but after the Oscars, Liza had to marry another gay guy just to feel better. 
A New York City yoga studio is offering the first naked yoga class. It’s open to everyone except New Jersey Mayor Chris Christie.

You must supply your own mat. 

Most often used phrases at the Oscars:
“I can’t look, tell me if Kim Novak is gone.”
“Enough with the pizza already.”
“Nice introduction, John Travolta. Or should I say Trahn Jovalta?”
“Has anyone ever seen Ellen Degeneres and Owen Wilson together at the same time?”
“Oh, so I guess he is a different Steve McQueen.”
“It’s nice to see Mathew McConoughey finally catch a break.”
“For his next amazing performance, Jared Leto is going to play the Olsen twins.”
"One more trip, and Jennifer Lawrence breaks the record for falling at an awards ceremony set by Charlie Sheen at the Adult Video Awards in Las Vegas." 

“Seriously, why is Ellen wandering around so much?”
“Kim Kardashian had to have two seat fillers.”
"It is nice to see Brad Pitt finally catch a break."
"George Clooney couldn't be here tonight, he heard Katy Perry was available." 

"Now I am really confused. Matthew McConaughey's hero is who now?"

At this time, I would like to thank the makers of the movie "Gravity" for validating and giving closure to my decision not to become an astronaut.