Well slap me baffy and call me Betty, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers. 

That woman who claimed she won a $5,000 online  baby-name contest? It was a hoax. This is good news for the baby, it was going to be named Side-boob LMAO Dork-Hashtag.

In Scotland, workers at Chivas accidentally flushed 5,000 gallons of whisky. The Scottish Parliament held an emergency meeting to declare a state of emergency and a week of mourning.

Wasting both money and whisky, the ultimate Scottish nightmare.

The huge emotional debate in golf now is the proposed 2016 belly-putter ban. Yes, folks, golf really is that boring.

Guess who signed the republican brief to the Supreme Court to allow gay marriage? Clint Eastwood. Now his catchphrase is; “Go ahead, punk, make my DaHaaaaayyyyyyyy.” 

When did side-boob become a thing? Oh yeah, Ed McMahon. 

 Will now refer to my wonderful puppy, Wally, as my side-boob. 

"Side-Boob Wally" is my new band. 

Since you asked:

Funny the urges you get. For whatever reason, I am jonesing for an old school Wisconsin Tavern/Steakhouse. 

When you walk in you can't see because of the dark stain-glassed windows, and you get a buzz from the smell of fresh butter, freshly-baked bread and sizzling steaks. The Old Styles are frosty and the waitress is named Dotty who calls everybody Honey.  

Since you asked, 2:

“My artistic cooking style is to repurpose flavor component levels using seasonal, locally grown, sustainable organic produce,” says every douche-bag, overly-tattooed chef alive. 

Me? Going to boil me some beef ribs in water and coke and finish them on the grill with a knockout home made peach marmalade barbeque sauce. Baked beans and fruit salad.