Thursday, June 14, 2012

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In Ohio, a man robbed a Toledo bank wearing a Darth Vader mask; the suspect is described as armed and extremely virginal.

The NBA Finals started last tonight with the Miami Heat losing at the Oklahoma City Thunder. A lot of people love to hate the Heat for the same reasons they hate the New York Yankees: they pay the most to get the best players and all of them have dated a Kardashian.

Burger King is going to offer a Sundae that has vanilla ice cream, hot fudge, nuts, melted caramel, bacon crumbles and a piece of bacon, err, uh (pounding chest) sorry, I just had a cardiac episode talking about it.

The Burger King Sundae makes the perfect Father’s Day treat provided you’re trying to kill your father.

The NBA Finals started tonight with the Miami Heat losing at the Oklahoma City Thunder. Is it just me, or does the Heat v. Thunder sound like the finalists in a meteorologist softball tournament? The Heat and the Thunder beat the Barometers and the Precipitations to be in the finals.

If you don’t have plans for Father’s Day, you can’t go wrong with going out to a nice brunch, going on a scenic hike then a fancy dinner. What are you, nuts? Dad doesn’t want to do any of that crap. Just let him watch sports on the couch.

A book claims Barack Obama smoked pot in college in California in the early eighties; the evidence is pretty strong Obama smoked pot in that he was in college in California in the early eighties.

Since you asked:

This is starting to get insulting. Last post I basically claim Nike plotted, planned and encouraged the incidents of gang members shooting each other to steal Nike shoes and not one response from an entire ten story building filled with lawyers on the Nike campus in Beaverton, Oregon. Not even a threat of litigation.

Prius Dick Move of the Week

 A kid is about to walk across the intersection at the North end. A Prius comes cruising up to the stop sign at the South end. The kid, thinking the car would stop at the stop sign begins walking across the intersection. The Prius rolls through the stop, barely slowing down and then, when he looks up to see a kid walking in the crosswalk in front of him, he angrily slams on the breaks and sticks his head out and starts screaming at the kid for being in his way.