Monday, June 11, 2012

Why they talkin’ all that mess, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers? 

Pakistan cancelled a $20 million production of “The Muppets.” The relationship between Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy was strained. In Islamic Pakistan, Kermit is not allowed to eat pork.

President Obama’s Stop Prison Rape Act has stalled. They were waiting to see if John Edwards was going to prison, but now they can go back to passing it.

Well, Satan is happy. Nike and Kanye West have produced a shoe, the Air Yeezy II, that is selling for $10,000. The shoes come with a certificate that officially declares the buyer of the shoe a world class schmuck.

DC Comics announced the Green Lantern is the first gay superhero. Whereas Batman and Robin continue to be the first closeted gay union under the transparent terms millionaire bachelor and trusted ward.

DC Comics announced the Green Lantern as the first gay superhero. The second gay superhero is new, Kyle the Choreographer. His superpower is to get bad guys to try out for a musical then he viciously cuts them in the audition.

Since you asked:

Saw some amazing Pious, er, Prius- on- Prius crime Saturday. A Prius was tailgating another Prius and then cut it off without signaling.

Figured out why Prius drivers are often such massive tools. The biggest tools are clearly Hummer drivers, they don’t give a damn about the environment or anyone else, they want the most ostentatious car they can get.

But they are open about it.

Prius drivers are smug because they tell everyone how much they are saving the environment. Truth is they are cheap and don’t want to pay for gas. Which I understand, believe me, but just be honest about it.

If I ever meet a Prius driver who will say;

“I don’t give a crap about the air quality, I just got sick of spending so much at the pump,” 

I will buy them a T-bone steak. Or some bean curd shaped into the form of a T-bone steak.