Tuesday, April 03, 2012

Quit the grinnin’ and drop the linen, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The London Olympic Committee has announced that women beach volleyball players are allowed to wear clothing more concealing than a bikini; this announcement came when Turkey announced they were sending a team.

We were down to the final two but now just one. But enough about the number of Gingrich followers, the NCAA finals were last night.

The NCAA finals were down to Kentucky and Kansas, the two states that start with the letter K. Today Indiana changed its name to Kindiana.

Since you asked:

Have the secret recipe for the perfect grilled swordfish.

One, buy really, really fresh swordfish.

Two, season/rub with Old Bay, garlic powder, sea salt and pepper.

Three, buy really, really fresh swordfish.

Four, use red-hot oak lump charcoal.

Five, grill two minutes over hot coals, flip, two minutes, flip 90 degrees two minutes, flip 90 degrees two minutes. Done at eight minutes total.

Serve with rice pilaf and grilled asparagus*. Steps one and three are the most important.

*Boil asparagus two minutes then blanch in cold water. Drizzle on olive oil and sprinkle with sea salt. Grill just long enough to make a grill mark. Rice cooker, one cup of rice, two cups of chicken broth.

Oh, as for the asparagus, keep the damn stinky pee jokes to yourself.

What Ryan Leaf Is Entitled To

Ryan Leaf arrested twice in three weeks on drug-related burglary charges. This is shocking. Who could believe Ryan Leaf would be an even bigger failure off the field than on it?

The Ryan Leaf saga is a cautionary tale in the dangers of entitlement. Leaf truly believed he got screwed when Payton Manning was drafted ahead of him. The guy was second in the draft and actually chose to be insulted.

When Leaf signed his $31 million-four-year deal not including his $11 million bonus, he thought he was being ripped off and told anyone who would listen.

Having never met Leaf but, like everyone else, seeing his temper tantrums against reporters, it was my opinion he was a world class jerk. How hard is it to be nice to the press? Some world class a-holes, like Michael Irvin and Steve Garvey, are at least not dumb enough to be a jerk to the press.

But Leaf’s ex-cheerleader bimbo now-ex-wife was the worst. She frequented the local Red Robin – a haven for A-holes and their ill-mannered spawn – so much her “Do you know who I am?” tantrum/mantra was so well known, one waiter had a reply ready:

“Yeah, you’re the gold-digger married to the guy who ruined the Chargers, but I have to wait on you anyway,” which received a standing ovation in the restaurant.

Of course the A-hole Red Robin management fired the brave lad for saying it. (When it comes to restaurant management, Red Robin managers are the Ryan Leaf’s of the food industry)

Well now Ryan Leaf has failed on the field – considered the biggest bust in NFL history, and NFL history has JaMarcus Russell – and now he has failed even worse off the field.

But Ryan apparently likes getting high on pain killers. So the entitled Ryan still feels he deserves to have pain killers, even though he cannot afford them because he is broke.

So what does a world class selfish a-hole do when they want something? They steal it.

When Ryan Leaf goes to prison to be repeatedly and brutally raped against his will –at first - by pissed off Charger fans – and believe me, prison is full of Charger fans. Not as full as with Raider fans, but full notwithstanding – Ryan is going to finally get to see exactly what he is entitled to.

In short, Ryan is going to get done to him what he did to NFL fans four three years.