Friday, January 13, 2012

Substantive note, we'll try and incorporate it, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Happy 62nd Birthday to the pretty Kirstie Alley, she looks great and she is 62. Wait, sorry, she is 61, her dress size is 62. Oh, we kid the wonderful Kirstie

A Seattle, Wash. man has been ordered by the FDA to stop selling his semen online after fathering over 14 children. He is going to make a movie about this though. I think the name is “Moneyballs.”

Ron Paul is excited by his strong showing in New Hampshire. I guess the support of the prostitutes from the Nevada Bunny Ranch paid off. The hookers really gave Paul’s campaign the firm and hard thrust it needed to come from behind.

Mitt Romney won the New Hampshire primary. Is it just me or does Mitt look like a guy who spends a lot of time polishing his golf clubs?

A guy steals a stuffed monkey from a convenience store and then whacks the stuffed monkey in the face of the policeman arresting him. Here’s the wildest part: this didn’t occur in Florida, it was Iowa.

Since you asked:

There is a new sheriff in town. A new puppy in our neighborhood named Wagner. He is a mostly Australian shepherd mutt and very cute. But I was struck because, as we have always done, we call him Wagner the dog. (I’ll post a picture of Wagner later)

What struck me about this is Wagner the dog is how we, as diehard dog lovers, think of him. He is Wagner who happens to be a dog. Like we call Wrigley, Wrigley the dog. It is a designation like a job, Sam the butcher, or Joe the plumber. Flo the Progressive Insurance Lady.

Not that we think of dogs as people, we don’t. Dogs are dogs. They can’t talk, they have little manual dexterity, they don’t do well on academic tests. Like a person on too much Nyquil, they can’t drive or operate heavy machinery.

Unlike people, Wagner the dog - like Wrigley the dog - has endless unqualified love, craves affection above water and food, is loyal, honest, kind and doesn’t have an angry, mean or dishonest bone in his body.

Non-dog lovers would see him as a dog who somebody happened to name Wagner.

To us? He's Wagner the dog.