'Dis guy here we'll call Bernie

He got a bee in his bonnet and a burr in his saddle, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


5,000 items from the Titanic to be auctioned off. All items expected to go for high prices. Except for the iceberg detecting machine.

Those Barbie Kardashian dolls are expensive. Plus you have to buy all the NBA player action figures to date and marry them.

Rick Perry is still in the race. (Yay, say comedy writers) "On to South Carolina" said Rick. A little awkward when he asked; "Now, is that above or below North Carolina?"

Since you asked:

Fired up for some awesome NFL playoffs this weekend. No lie, last week a running back - thanks to his offensive line's blocking - ran for four yards where he was tackled by a linebacker. Both jumped to their feet and started dancing. Come on, guys, do your job. You don't see me dancing after I write a so-so "Paris Hilton is a filthy skank" joke, do you?


Things marked off Lex's Stand Up Paddle Board Bucket List:

Surfed a wave in Lake Michigan

Paddled in to McCovey Cove at AT&T park in San Francisco during a game.

Caught and rode a six-foot wave.

Paddled while seeing a great white shark.

Started new tradition of surfing on Christmas and New Year's Day.

Ride back-to-back-to-back waves kicking out and riding back without falling.

Kick out using the paddle to turn.


Things still on Lex's Stand Up Paddle Board Bucket List:

Paddle around Alcatraz.

Paddle a white-water river in Colorado

Surf in Hawaii

Paddle nearby a whale.

Riding the nose on a wave.