Friday, December 02, 2011

I’m not gay, I’m French*, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Another woman has come forward to claim she had a 13-year affair with Herman Cain; remember the good old days when the dumbest thing Cain had done was run a commercial of a guy smoking?

The judge sentenced Michael Jackson’s physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, to the maximum four year sentence for involuntary manslaughter. Apparently the judge wanted to make a strong statement against black-on-white crime.

In Montreal, a former British soccer player, David Testo, has admitted he is gay. American sports fans are shocked. Does this mean there are soccer players who are not gay?

Detroit Lion, Ndamukong Suh, was suspended two games for stomping on a player’s arm; you know you had a bad game when you’re the biggest idiot the week one player loses a game due to a taunting dance and another gets caught peeing on the sideline.

According to a survey by Ohio State, men think about sex 19 times a day. Which doesn’t sound bad until you realize each of the 19 times lasts one hour each.

Still have leftover, nasty, dried out Thanksgiving turkey? Here’s what you do; take it to work, put it next to a card with “Turkey Jerky” written on it, it will be gone by lunch.

Ever call a help line? When I am on hold and the recording says; "Our representatives are busy servicing other customers," you don't want to know what I am imagining.

Since you asked:
Shout out to my Santa Banana peeps. (Yes, I said peeps and shout out)

Here is my question: at the awesome Cold Springs Tavern bar up in the mountains of Santa Barbara, do they still have, mounted on the wall, Redolph the rude-nosed Reindeer?

*What Claire’s (Julie Bowen) boy-toy said when she thought she was objectifying a gay man for a fun night out on “Modern Family.”

Dear Kasey-boop,

Sure, it makes me seem like a crazy-man to write to you, but it makes me feel better to even pretend to talk to you. It's like when Forest talks to Jenny's grave.

Last night when I let Wrigley in, I must have been tired, but I waited a good two seconds for you to come in too. We don't just miss you, we think you're still here.

After my dad and mom died, I used to think I saw them in the crowd. And that their being gone was just a big mistake or misunderstanding. Maybe the brain does that to get you through the rough patches? Maybe, in some way, they were in those crowds?

Anyway, Kasey, we still miss you a lot. Always will. It is going to be beyond tough to put that Labrador angel on top of the Christmas tree this year. Guess this will be our first Christmas with two angel Labradors.