Keepin’ it real compared to what, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers
Mexico is now the biggest user of Viagra. This gives Mexican men another place to hang their sombrero.
The Los Angeles Lakers were swept in game four by the Dallas Mavericks, 122-86, a game so ugly it was uglier than when actor Will Ferrell kissed John C. Reilly on the Laker Kiss-Cam. And that was uglier than Charles Barkley’s golf swing.
Captured video tapes show Osama bin Laden was just a sad, self-centered lonely megalomaniac endlessly watching tapes of himself on TV. It’s like Donald Trump has a twin.
Did you know they used a bomb-sniffing dog in the Osama bin Laden raid? Yeah, the dog didn’t find any bombs but it did find two Paris Hilton music CDs and a DVD of Lindsay Lohan in “Georgia Rule.”
An Oregon woman emerged from dental surgery suddenly talking with an English accent. That is amazing, can you imagine? Someone with an English accent who had dental surgery? First time.
You can tell there hasn’t been anyone around at the Osama bin Laden compound for a few days; there are like thirty-two Chinese food menus stuffed in the door mail slot.
It’s been over a week and my favorite phrase is still Osama bin Laden has been assassinated. It surpassed my previous favorite phrase: free sandwiches in the break room.
The republicans held their first presidential debate and it included Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty, Gary Johnson and Rick Santorum. It was billed as the; “We don’t even know who the hell we are” debate.
Paul McCartney is engaged again. Good idea. After his ugly divorce from Heather Mills, what are the odds Paul will marry the second craziest gold-digging bitch in the world?
In his biography, Jesse James says sex was better with Kat Von D than Sandra Bullock. And by better he means more likely for something to get seriously infected.
On their website, Al Qaeda has admitted the US killed Osama bin Laden. Wow, even the nut jobs at Al Qaeda admit Osama has been killed, we have Tea Party republican congressmen still demanding to see the death pictures for proof.
A Florida woman was arrested after she crashed her car while trying to shave her bikini area. She broke a well-known Florida river law: “You cannot groom your coochie while driving over the Calahoochie.”
A woman in Santa Ana, CA was arrested for drunk driving with a blood-alcohol level four times the legal limit. Oh my word, Lindsay Lohan, get some help.
Maybe I’m crazy, but it seems people are nicer since Osama bin Laden was taken out. Today, when a soccer mom cut me off in her SUV, she smiled when she flipped me off.
The “Home Alone” house is for sale outside Chicago for over $2 mil. It would have been priced even higher if the buyer wasn’t going to get hit in the crotch with a swinging paint bucket.
Red-hot doorknob, tarred basement stairs, marbles and bowling ball not included.
We are discovering more about Osama bin Laden from the captured computer discs. Did you know Osama was in a Fantasy Football League? Yeah, his team name was The Jihad Jets. They beat the Mullah Maulers to win it all.
These NBA playoff games are wild enough, but how about the tattoos on these players? I might be wrong, but I swear one player on the L.A. Lakers had a tattoo that said; “You can save 15% on your car insurance by switching to Geico.”
We are discovering more about Osama bin Laden from the captured computer discs. Osama’s favorite game? Really Angry Birds.
Mexico is now the biggest user of Viagra. This gives Mexican men another place to hang their sombrero.
The Los Angeles Lakers were swept in game four by the Dallas Mavericks, 122-86, a game so ugly it was uglier than when actor Will Ferrell kissed John C. Reilly on the Laker Kiss-Cam. And that was uglier than Charles Barkley’s golf swing.
Captured video tapes show Osama bin Laden was just a sad, self-centered lonely megalomaniac endlessly watching tapes of himself on TV. It’s like Donald Trump has a twin.
Did you know they used a bomb-sniffing dog in the Osama bin Laden raid? Yeah, the dog didn’t find any bombs but it did find two Paris Hilton music CDs and a DVD of Lindsay Lohan in “Georgia Rule.”
An Oregon woman emerged from dental surgery suddenly talking with an English accent. That is amazing, can you imagine? Someone with an English accent who had dental surgery? First time.
You can tell there hasn’t been anyone around at the Osama bin Laden compound for a few days; there are like thirty-two Chinese food menus stuffed in the door mail slot.
It’s been over a week and my favorite phrase is still Osama bin Laden has been assassinated. It surpassed my previous favorite phrase: free sandwiches in the break room.
The republicans held their first presidential debate and it included Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty, Gary Johnson and Rick Santorum. It was billed as the; “We don’t even know who the hell we are” debate.
Paul McCartney is engaged again. Good idea. After his ugly divorce from Heather Mills, what are the odds Paul will marry the second craziest gold-digging bitch in the world?
In his biography, Jesse James says sex was better with Kat Von D than Sandra Bullock. And by better he means more likely for something to get seriously infected.
On their website, Al Qaeda has admitted the US killed Osama bin Laden. Wow, even the nut jobs at Al Qaeda admit Osama has been killed, we have Tea Party republican congressmen still demanding to see the death pictures for proof.
A Florida woman was arrested after she crashed her car while trying to shave her bikini area. She broke a well-known Florida river law: “You cannot groom your coochie while driving over the Calahoochie.”
A woman in Santa Ana, CA was arrested for drunk driving with a blood-alcohol level four times the legal limit. Oh my word, Lindsay Lohan, get some help.
Maybe I’m crazy, but it seems people are nicer since Osama bin Laden was taken out. Today, when a soccer mom cut me off in her SUV, she smiled when she flipped me off.
The “Home Alone” house is for sale outside Chicago for over $2 mil. It would have been priced even higher if the buyer wasn’t going to get hit in the crotch with a swinging paint bucket.
Red-hot doorknob, tarred basement stairs, marbles and bowling ball not included.
We are discovering more about Osama bin Laden from the captured computer discs. Did you know Osama was in a Fantasy Football League? Yeah, his team name was The Jihad Jets. They beat the Mullah Maulers to win it all.
These NBA playoff games are wild enough, but how about the tattoos on these players? I might be wrong, but I swear one player on the L.A. Lakers had a tattoo that said; “You can save 15% on your car insurance by switching to Geico.”
We are discovering more about Osama bin Laden from the captured computer discs. Osama’s favorite game? Really Angry Birds.
posted by Alex at
8:26 AM
<< Home