Monday, May 23, 2011

Junior Wells - Help Me



Junior's ode to his mentor, Sonny Boy Williamson. On the opening solo he goes Junior/Little Walter harp-on-the-mike style. The second solo is a dead-on Sonny impression using the famous back-from-the-mike hand cupping "Whah whah" Sonny Boy style. Final solo is Junior doing his, well, thang. Which is awesome. Give me a harp, a guitar player, a porch, some Old Style beer and a rainy spring day in Chicago and you have a little slice of heaven on earth.


Baby, you gotta bring it on home to me, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In an interview with “Rolling Stone” Donald Trump discussed his best orgasm ever. It was so good it actually scared him because he was all alone.

Arnold Schwarzenegger said he has put his film career on hold. On hold? Please, the only person whose film career is in worse shape than Arnold is Osama bin Laden.

Parents who are big Facebook fans named their child Like. Sadly, their older children, MySpace and LinkedIn, are virtually ignored.

High school teachers in Washington DC are accused of supplying test answers to students. Why can’t they just sleep with the students like all the other teachers?


San Francisco is going to vote on a bill that would make it illegal to have a circumcision. Not sure about the bill supporter’s chant though: “Keep the hood on the wood, keep the hood on the wood.”

In an interview with “Rolling Stone” Donald Trump discussed his best orgasm ever. It was so good he almost dropped the hand mirror.

This idiot actually thinks we want to know about this stuff.

Donald Trump announced he is not running for president in 2012 and that his short campaign was by no means a sleazy attempt at free publicity for his show “Celebrity Apprentice” which airs on NBC on Sunday night at 9:00 PM Eastern, Central and Pacific time, 8:00 PM Mountain Time.

A study claims men cry more easily as they get older, ala John Boehner and Meat Loaf. OK, I’ve had it, that is enough, we men need to pull it together because it’s important we show how strong, (sniff) and brave, (whuh) we can (choke) really be (Wahhahahaha)


Since you asked:

Until now, Lance Armstrong reminded me of this guy I knew in High School. He was a nice, funny guy, everyone liked him, but he was cocky in a way that only really rich kids in suburban Chicago can be. Life is not fair for rich kids, they don’t have to work, they can do what they want and they can do it when they want to. Let’s call him Vince Vaughn, although that isn’t his name, that is who he reminds me of.

On an early Spring Saturday, one of the scariest days of your lives, we were all petrified and huddled in class taking the SAT exam. Besides school and parents, the SAT has as big a factor as anything else in determining your college future.

An hour into the test, no Vince. Suddenly, Vince appears to everyone’s shock. He calmly picks up the booklet and the answer sheet. He sits down, and in thirty minutes filled out all the answers to a test that, at minimum, takes three hours and forty five minutes to read and complete.

The supervising teacher asks Vince if he is sure he wants to finish that quickly. Vince says yes, and, as calm as can be, walks out the door.

Later we find out Vince had aced the SATS. Which proved something was wrong because Vince was not all that interested as a student. We all new Vince cheated, we all new cheating on something that important was wrong, and we all knew Vince knew we knew he cheated and didn’t care. It actually added to the cool-vibe aura around Vince. But Vince never got caught. He got accepted to a good college and went on to have a full and successful life.

Lance was just like Vince. Except now Lance has been caught cheating. If Vince had been caught it was possible his college would have found out and revoked his diploma and it is also possible, as a result, he could lose his job. If they could prove Vince lied about cheating to the senate, press or a grand jury, than Vince, like Lance, could have gone to jail. Not for cheating, but for lying about it. 


Remember, Martha Stewart and Marion Jones didn’t go to prison for insider trading and using steroids, respectively, they went to jail for lying.

Cheating in sports is like pornography in that it is hard to define, but we know it when we see it. A pitcher scuffing a ball? Nah, not if he gets away with it. Corking a bat? Cheating.

Sports are not like life. If you lie or steal or hurt someone in life, it is wrong, whether you get caught and punished or not. In sports, you can try and break the rules, if you don’t get caught, it won’t effect the score. This is where people get confused with steroids. In poker you can lie, it’s called bluffing. But everyone knows you can’t hide an ace.

Steroids is hiding an ace.

But Vince never got caught, but in my mind he will always be the guy who cheated on the SAT. Lance just got caught. Lance is going to fry. Lying about and using steroids taints everything Lance has done, right down to battling cancer. It is well known testosterone, human growth and steroids can trigger testicular cancer.

And think about all the children with cancer Lance has helped. Their inspiration, their hero, their idol is going down in infamy, one way or the other.

Sad. Down the same drain as Tiger and Arnold, Lance is going to go down forever as a tarnished hero.