Monday, March 28, 2011

Kind of like this

And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you fowever, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

(“Princess Bride” Impressive Clergyman)

The terms OMG and LOL have been added to the Oxford Dictionary. I think I speak for a lot of people when I say; WTF?

Do you like the NCAA tournament? My brackets are all messed up. I had Duke defeating Casey Abrams, but then the judges voted to save him.

In his memoir, former Van Halen singer, Sammy Hagar, claims he was abducted by aliens. It turns out it was a mistake, like everyone else, the aliens really wanted David Lee Roth.

In San Diego, a naked woman had to be rescued from the cliffs on her way down to the nude beach. Notice how I refrained from saying they snatched her up?

“American Idol” covered Motown and did you see that outfit Steven Tyler had on? Even Stevie Wonder said; “Dude, that outfit looks gay.”

Hall of fame Giants linebacker Lawrence Taylor was convicted of hiring an underage prostitute. Taylor said, when it comes to prostitutes; “You never know what you’re gonna get.” I think the more appropriate “Forrest Gump” line is; “Stupid is as stupid does.”

In Orange County, a 100-year-old man married a 93-year-old woman. Apparently he likes himself that young stuff.

The airlines are considering creating a separate area in the back of the plane for people traveling with children. Children in the front of the plane kept waking up the drunk pilots.

The “American Idol” contestants sang Motown songs. But I think the contestants are too young to appreciated Motown; like that one contestant who kept trying to wave hello to Stevie Wonder.

Last week was the season finale of “Jersey Shore.” Finally the cast can get back to working on their doctoral thesis on quantum physics.

Is it just me, or do these songs sound the same?

Tommy James “Draggin’ the line” and Chili’s “I want my baby back ribs.”

Conan O’Brien’s “Conan” theme song and the Beatles “Lady Madonna.”

“Slice of Heaven” Dave Dobbyn and Herbs and Rolling Stones “She’s so cold.”

Steve Miller “Keep On Rockin Me, Baby” and Eagles “Take it Easy.” (Think about it. "Well I'm workin' real hard and I'm tryin' to find a job . . ." "Well, I'm runnin' down the road tryin' to loosen my load . . ."

Wow did I make something on the grill last night that was fun and easy:

Lex’s Chicago style meets New York meets California grilled pizza

Started with buying uncooked pizza dough from my local awesome bakery. It was an inch thick on the rim and about a half an inch in the middle. Perfect inside-the-pizza-stone size.

Brushed dough with olive oil on both sides. Sautéed diced onion, garlic and three mild pork sausage until brown. Drain the fat.

Liberally smear on tomato sauce on dough. Liberally spread around the sausage/onions and put on (I get them in a jar) cooked red peppers. Now douse thickly with Italian cheese, namely shredded mozzarella with some parmesan cheese. Top with pepperoni and diced black olives.

Turn all burners on the gas grill on high, let it get hot (500 degrees) place the pizza on the pizza stone on top of the pizza grilling platform you buy at your local barbeque store. (It is just a stainless steel two and a half inch tall rectangle platform you place on the grill)

Shut the top and let her cook for 17 minutes. Or until the outer crust is golden brown and the cheese is all gorgeous and bubbling and the pepperoni is shriveling and sizzling.

Garnish with fresh basil and parsley leaves, and Bob is your freaking Uncle. Pop a Fat Tire beer and watch that NCAA tournament, bitches.

Couple years ago . . .

I was at our awesome bakery, the Village Mill, when I bought a bag of the most awesome hamburger buns. Very light, sweet. Saw a loaf of Challa bread and I told Ann Caroline, aka The Stinker, Stinkasaurus, Stinkalinkadingdong, Stinkerbell:

"You know why you can't have any Challa bread?" (Pronounced hallah, as you know)

"No, why?" she asked, sweetly. To which I busted into my best Gwen S.:

"''Cause you ain't no Challa bread girl,
No, you ain't no Challah bread girl."

She laughed and laughed and laughed.

Now, at coming up on 13, she would die of embarrassment.