He says: "I'm just resting my eyes."

Don't touch my junk unless you have to, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Bristol Palin lost on “Dancing with the Stars.” Oh goody, now we get to look forward to the Palin family tradition of losing publically with quiet dignity and grace.

President Barack Obama split his lip in a basketball game and had to have 12 stitches; it was the most serious malady inflicted on a president in a long time that didn’t involve an intern or a pretzel.

An Orlando woman claims she was singled out for extensive airport body search because she had big breasts. The TSA agent denied this. He said it was because she had a smoking hot ass.

President Barack Obama split his lip in a basketball game and had to have 12 stitches; the president will be fine, but the guy who did it is looking at IRS audits for the rest of his life.

A German man attempting to seal an opening in his cellar bricked himself in with no way out; apparently he had been reading former President Bush’s “Decision Points” chapter on exit strategies.

On Glenn Beck’s radio show, Sarah Palin mistakenly said we need to support our North Korean allies. Later Palin would refudiate, denyify and excuseable her statement.

Porn star, Capri Anderson, is suing Charlie Sheen for assault. To review: Sheen spent a fortune on dinner, including $6,000 bottles of wine, he paid her $12,000 to go to his hotel suite, they did not have sex, now she is suing him. Suddenly I feel a lot better about my high school dates.

250,000 classified State Department documents were published on WikiLeaks and some of the information is embarrassing; for example, hot French first lady, Carla Bruni? She won’t have sex with French President Nicolas Sarkozi unless he is wearing a Justin Bieber wig.

Happy Cyber-Monday, this was the day when guys actually stopped surfing the Internet for porn and bought Christmas presents online.


Since you asked:

From the awesome writer, Caprice Crane, on Twitter:

“I don’t have girlfriends because other women are jealous of me” is the delusional way of saying; “I’m a raging bitch.”

No lie, I used to know a woman who would say the first part of this every day. And the last part was absolutely true.

As an admitted Manson-phile, I can strongly suggest you not waste a second of your time on “Manson, My Name is Evil.”

Apparently movie egomaniacs like Oliver Stone and Michael Moore and whatever useless tool made “MMNIE” are too full of themselves to understand that, if you are making a movie about an actual person or historical event, when you change or omit details freely, it destroys the entire movie’s credibility. They can take their excuse of poetic license for creative reasons and shove them up their smug tuchuses, tuchi, if they can get their personal assistant’s noses out of the way.

If you’re whoring out a movie about an actual event, whether you like it or not, you owe it to be honest and truthful and respectful of it’s aspect of history even if it is not pretty or it doesn’t fit your story. By picking an event as polarizing and iconic as the Manson murders and trial, people will buy tickets because of their emotions surrounding that event. When a historical event is reproduced as badly as it was in "MMNIE" it is tantamount to stealing money from people.

Love him or hate him politically, there can be no denying the epic impact General Patton had on history. As a result, the makers of "Patton" were faithful to that responsibility and the size and grandeur of Patton and his personality allowed the movie to soar to greatness.

Love him or hate him politically, there can be no denying the epic impact Richard Nixon had on history. But because of Oliver Stone's egomania, political bias and crappy movie making, "Nixon" was so bad it was funny. My Mom despised Richard Nixon with every ounce of her body and she would have felt sorry for him the way he was portrayed so clownishly by Stone.

When license is taken for creativity it must be done with reason and thoughtfully. For example, in Gore Vidal’s “Lincoln” Vidal created private conversations between the characters that were clearly invented because there were obviously no recordings or a record of what was said.

But when Gore had Lincoln conversing with Grant in private, he did it in character and with an ear for the correct history. As a result, the conversations seemed credible and honest.

In “MMNIE” conversations were so whacked up and weird, disjointed, psycho and unconnected and phony, it was actually unfair to nutty madman, Manson. They should not have been allowed to use his name. The Manson character should have been called Chester Hudson.

When I can watch and entire movie - it was like watching a train wreck, I had to see if it would get any better - and not learn one single shred of new information, that is a horribly researched movie. As avid a Manson-phile as I am, I don’t know all that much. But I know a hell of a lot more than the oxygen-thief nob who made this smoldering pile of pig poop.