This is what I am doing tomorrow . . . the SUP surfing part, not, oh, what is wrong with you?

It’s kinda of a thing thing, Miss Thing, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


Tensions are high between North and South Korea; I haven’t seen North and South Korea this upset at each other since that big debate over whether it is best to wok-fry or grill a Schnauzer.


An Idaho republican candidate for congress, Vaughn Ward, plagiarized a Barack Obama campaign speech word for word. When asked if he was worried about the consequences, Ward said; “I have nothing to fear but fear itself.”


A 13-year-old California boy became the youngest person to scale Mt. Everest. Wow, Mt. Everest. When I was 13 the only thing I wanted to summit was Miss Golden the English teacher.


Venus Williams stunned the crowd at the French Open by wearing a tennis dress that appeared to be a see-through negligee. Venus’s clothing line, EleVen’s goal is to create tennis dresses that can also be used off the court. So, apparently, off the court Venus is a hooker.


A 72-year-old South Carolina woman was arrested for speeding over 100 mph because she was late for her beauty appointment. At 72 is it really still a beauty appointment? Isn’t it more of a restoration project?


Lindsay Lohan is wearing a court ordered alcohol monitoring ankle bracelet. At happy hour that thing is going to light up like a Christmas tree on crack.


Mothers are upset because a new Barbi doll has a low neckline dress and they say Barbi is too sexy. Barbi is too sexy? How about making Ken a little less gay?


Venus Williams stunned the crowd at the French Open by wearing a tennis dress that appeared to be a see-through negligee. It’s so revealing you can see all of Venus’s moons.