These just in:


Now that it is down to the last minute before the Texas and Ohio primaries, you have to give Hillary Clinton credit, she is grinding, she is pushing, she is pumping, she is working it, she is . . .no, wait, I’m sorry, that was Bill Clinton last night with a flight attendant.


The FBI confirms a story that the biker gang the Hell’s Angels tried to assassinate Mick Jagger. Hey, I didn’t like Mick’s 80’s disco phase either but that doesn’t mean they should kill him.

John McCain says he is the best candidate to handle a crisis situation. And he may be right, look at how well he handled the Spanish-American War.


The Candidates have to give a final shove, a strong push and grunt it out until the end. Just like John McCain when he goes to pee.


Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony named their twins, Max and Emme. Max and Emme are surprisingly normal names for celebrities like J. Lo and Marc, I was expecting more like Iron Daffodil and Space Suit.


Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre is retiring after 17 years. That is too bad. One more year and we could all finally learn how to pronounce Favre.


Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre is retiring after 17 years. The first time John Madden tried to pronounce Favre they mistakenly thought he was choking on a hot dog: Fahhvreh, Farrrverrah, Ferraayvraher.

Is it just me or when John Madden says Favre does he sound just like the late, great Chicago Cubs announcer Harry Carey when Harry was clearing his throat?

Won again. (Teeth suck, sniff, sigh and groan of confidence)

http://www.sfgate.com/matierandross/