Thursday, January 03, 2008

Love is strong, and you’re so sweet, someday, baby, we’ve got to meet, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Beard buddies
To show solidarity for their striking writers, talk show hosts David Letterman and Conan O’Brien did not shave for three months. Kelly Ripa also didn’t shave but you can’t tell unless she is wearing a bikini.

Paris thinks she has some nerve, whoever she is
Barron Hilton announced he is giving his fortune, including Paris Hilton’s inheritance, to charity. Upon hearing this, a furiously indignant Paris Hilton said; “So who is this Charity bitch?”

New York Knicks coach Isaiah Thomas gets booed relentlessly by the fans at Madison Square Garden. And you can’t blame them, since the Knicks had to pay out that huge sexual harassment settlement against Isaiah, the fans feel cheated, they get screwed by the Knicks each night.

Today is the Iowa caucus. That means the candidates have one more chance to pretend that they care about the people in Iowa.

I don’t want to say the candidates didn’t know much about Iowa before, but Fred Thompson congratulated the Iowan people on their number one ranked Buckeyes.

For those who are not familiar with Iowa, if the United States was a dartboard, Iowa would be a spot somewhere on the dartboard.

You can tell the candidates are tired of campaigning in Iowa. Hillary swapped her pantsuit for footsies pajamas.

Blohan goin'
The celebrity gossip site, TMZ, featured a video clip of Lindsay Lohan chugging champagne out of a bottle at a New Year’s Eve party. I’m not really sure if it was Lindsay or not, I couldn’t get a good look at her freshly-waxed vagina.

Since you asked:
This in rehab, out of rehab, crashing cars, doing drugs, sex-addicted and exposing herself side of Lindsay Lohan sure doesn’t jibe with the Lindsay Lohan I’ve seen interviewed on talk shows.

The Lohan I’ve seen is duller than day old dry dirt. She answers pre-arranged-by-the-segment-producers questions with “Uh, I don’t know” and then she giggles. Honestly, if Lohan had a baby with Harrison Ford, the doctors would have to surgically implant a personality.

You may have noticed I have been doing it big with the celebrity vagina jokes lately. And the French jokes. And Carla Bruni who lets me do both at the same time. If I've over done the vajay-jay jokes, I am sorry, but if you are going to over do something, it may as, well, you know . . .