Monday, December 31, 2007

Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Happy New Year, Slats and Nugs. At the White House, nickname crazy President Bush calls 2008, deuce double-naught ocho.

This time, between Christmas and New Years, is the deadest time of the year. It is so slow and people get so lazy, nothing productive happens, no business transpires and we sit around and eat and drink without even bathing. Why, it’s almost like we’re French.

After a Norwegian cruise ship hit an iceberg and, after it was determined everyone was alright, the captain ordered free drinks for all the passengers. Then he had security arrest David Hasselhof for breaking into the bridge and taking over the wheel of the ship.

The Winner of Miss France will retain her title after it was revealed she posed for provocative pictures but for the Miss World competition she will withdraw. Or, as it is Miss France, should I say she will retreat?

After the first of the year, smoking in Paris bistros will be illegal. That’s too bad, smoking was their best line of defense against the body odor.

Parisians have a bad enough reputation for being snippy, can you imagine how cranky they will be if they can’t smoke?

“Go get this, go get that, what is wrong with you worthless stupid American tourists? Aren’t you smart enough to pick up your own food? Just who do you think I am?”

“Our waiter?”