Here are Lex's Deuce Double-Naught Ocho predictions:
Geico will discover that, if they don’t pay for ever other ad on TV, they can actually save you 22% on your auto insurance
On a ski holiday in Aspen, Al Gore will take a wrong turn, get lost in the woods for six hours and have to be treated for severe frostbite. After barely saving his toes and other necessary extremities, Gore's first three words are; “Screw global warming.”
Peyton Manning will discover that, if he doesn’t do every commercial besides Geico, he will have more time to practice playing football ala Tom Brady, and, thus, he could eventually win a Super Bowl. Or better yet, impregnate a Super Model.
Eli Manning discovers that, no matter how much time he spends practicing football, he will never be as good as his older brother, Peyton. And no super model will date him.
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears, will all, as one, have the revelation that, if they don’t expose their vaginas in public, no picture of their vagina can possibly appear on the internet. But somehow, as if miraculously, a picture of Britney Spears’s vagina still makes it to the internet.
Donald Trump will finally be convinced that America will embrace and applaud his brave decision to drop the comb-over, ala Rudy Giuliani. However, in Trump’s case, America universally rejects the ugly bald Trump head.
After being horrified by the sight of the ugly bald Trump head, Malania Trump will jump into bed with the first person she sees who just happens to be Eli Manning, who, just as immediately, impregnates her.
Extrapolating his lack-of-future as a quarterback in financial terms, Malania Trump will dump Eli Manning and go running back to The Donald. The re-comb-over’d grateful Trump embraces the pregnant Malania and together they decide to name the baby, boy or girl, after their favorite movie character. Eight months later the world says hello to Forrest Gump Trump.
Geico discovers that even it can’t save Lindsay Lohan any money on her car insurance without showing a picture of her vagina on their website.
A more tolerant and grateful nation will happily accept the replacing of the annoying Geico lizard with Lindsay Lohan’s vagina. The hard part? Getting Lindsay Lohan’s vagina to talk with an annoying faux English accent. But hey, if Madonna can do it, so can Lindsay Lohan’s vagina.
The head of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will be visited by three spirits on Christmas Eve and he awakens, on Christmas morning, to announce everybody in the entire world will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Everybody except Madonna.
And, finally, after losing her inheretance to some bitch named Charity, an angry Paris Hilton pathetically takes to the street to sell pictures of her vagina. Sadly, everyone replies; "Thanks, but no thanks, I'm good."
Congratulations, everybody, on your well-earned induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008.
Geico will discover that, if they don’t pay for ever other ad on TV, they can actually save you 22% on your auto insurance
On a ski holiday in Aspen, Al Gore will take a wrong turn, get lost in the woods for six hours and have to be treated for severe frostbite. After barely saving his toes and other necessary extremities, Gore's first three words are; “Screw global warming.”
Peyton Manning will discover that, if he doesn’t do every commercial besides Geico, he will have more time to practice playing football ala Tom Brady, and, thus, he could eventually win a Super Bowl. Or better yet, impregnate a Super Model.
Eli Manning discovers that, no matter how much time he spends practicing football, he will never be as good as his older brother, Peyton. And no super model will date him.
Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears, will all, as one, have the revelation that, if they don’t expose their vaginas in public, no picture of their vagina can possibly appear on the internet. But somehow, as if miraculously, a picture of Britney Spears’s vagina still makes it to the internet.
Donald Trump will finally be convinced that America will embrace and applaud his brave decision to drop the comb-over, ala Rudy Giuliani. However, in Trump’s case, America universally rejects the ugly bald Trump head.
After being horrified by the sight of the ugly bald Trump head, Malania Trump will jump into bed with the first person she sees who just happens to be Eli Manning, who, just as immediately, impregnates her.
Extrapolating his lack-of-future as a quarterback in financial terms, Malania Trump will dump Eli Manning and go running back to The Donald. The re-comb-over’d grateful Trump embraces the pregnant Malania and together they decide to name the baby, boy or girl, after their favorite movie character. Eight months later the world says hello to Forrest Gump Trump.
Geico discovers that even it can’t save Lindsay Lohan any money on her car insurance without showing a picture of her vagina on their website.
A more tolerant and grateful nation will happily accept the replacing of the annoying Geico lizard with Lindsay Lohan’s vagina. The hard part? Getting Lindsay Lohan’s vagina to talk with an annoying faux English accent. But hey, if Madonna can do it, so can Lindsay Lohan’s vagina.
The head of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame will be visited by three spirits on Christmas Eve and he awakens, on Christmas morning, to announce everybody in the entire world will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Everybody except Madonna.
And, finally, after losing her inheretance to some bitch named Charity, an angry Paris Hilton pathetically takes to the street to sell pictures of her vagina. Sadly, everyone replies; "Thanks, but no thanks, I'm good."
Congratulations, everybody, on your well-earned induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2008.
posted by Alex at
2:05 PM
<< Home