Thursday, December 20, 2007

It’s so sick it’s downright ill, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

We gotta neuter that guy

Britney Spears 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant; I’m telling you, that
Tom Brady is an animal.

It’s worth it
A family of three hunting for a Christmas tree was found after being lost in the Northern California mountains for three days. See, that’s what I like about Christmas tree lots, they may cost more, but if you get lost you can generally find your way out in five minutes.

Popwreck banned
Britney Spears has been banned from the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. This ban came after Britney’s disastrous performance at the lobby bar’s Wednesday Karaoke night.

Britney Spears has been banned from the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. When told, an indignant Britney replied; “I’ve been kicked out of nicer trailer parks than that dump.”

Britney Spears 16-year-old sister, Jamie Lynn, is pregnant; in a related story, Lynne Spears, their mother, had her book on parenting put on hold. The publisher decided it would be a safer bet to go with Lindsay Lohan’s book on safe driving.

Anyone surprised?
After creating a media frenzy, Dallas Cowboy’s Terrell Owens apologized for saying Tony Romo was distracted by Jessica Simpson in their loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. In all seriousness, did anyone really expect T.O. to go an entire season without shooting off his idiotic mouth?

More proof
Pete Rose claims the Mitchell Report revealing steroid use in baseball by potential Hall of Fame members is proof he should be inducted into the Hall of Fame. Of course Rose feels that global warming, CIA leaks and the writer’s strike are also proof he should be in the Hall of Fame.

Since you asked:
Good lord, I am a dork. You know what I actually just did five seconds ago? No lie, I actually Google imaged stand up paddleboard (SUP) surfing, printed out the pictures, cut them out with scissors and put them in the insert part of my clear plastic screw-on-top thermos-like coffee container.

Had an awesome day on the SUP on Tuesday. It was sunny and the water was clear and glassy at La Jolla Shores as I paddled way out and then up to where the waves were breaking waist high at Scripps pier a couple miles north. There were a lot of surfers out so I kept my distance and caught a couple waves, got munched a few times, and then worked my way back south back to the Shores catching little waves along the way. A brown speckled seal was frolicking in the waves and under my board.

Then I raced home and got the most amazing Christmas tree you have ever seen. It is so fat and lush it is downright funny. How great is it that I drove by my neighbors this morning with my board strapped to the top of my car and that afternoon with a Christmas tree strapped to the top? Ah, the California, she great.

Last night I watched a classic and highly underrated - if not a little silly and long but well worth it - movie: “The Great Race.” Natalie “She gives me serious” Wood is stunningly hot, especially for back then when most people considered the sloppy and doughy Marilyn Monroe the epitome of sexiness. Natalie was rockin’ the push up bustier and thigh-high stockings long before Victoria even knew what the hell her secret was. To be a little too candid, when Natalie, as Miss DuBois, was thrown to the jail cell floor in her aforementioned lingerie, a certain part of me jumped to the lead in my own great race, if you know what I mean.

Information-wise, maybe too much?

And Jack Lemmon steals the movie with two hilarious roles that couldn’t be more opposite or any funnier.