It is hard out here

Don’t nobody get outta here wit out no dings and nicks, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Randers

The nerve
The head of one of the biggest Evangelical groups, Ted Haggert, resigned under allegations of paying a male prostitute for gay sex and drugs. Who does this guy think he is, a congressman?

A good cause
After 35 years, Bob Barker is retiring as host of “The Price is Right”. Barker is going to pursue his other passion: overseeing the neutering of all stray animals and Kevin Federline.

Thanks for explaining
I don’t think John Kerry gets it. After botching a joke that insulted the military’s intelligence, Kerry said he was sorry if the military thought he was being condescending. Kerry went on to add, “By the way, condescending means to talk down to someone who isn’t very smart.”

I don’t think John Kerry gets it. After botching a joke that insulted the military’s intelligence, critics say that Kerry seemed even more arrogant and pretentious than usual. To which Kerry replied; “Arrogant and pretentious? Moi? Who are vous to call me arrogant and pretentious?”

To give you an idea how arrogant and pretentious Kerry seemed after his joke, Kerry was named an honorary Frenchman.

This John Kerry botched joke won’t go away. To give you an idea how much trouble Kerry is in for insulting the military, today Kerry’s wife, Teresa, took away is car privileges.

Feeling of guilt and insecurity sold separately
There is now a Dr. Laura action figure. Actually this is the second version. The first plastic doll looked way to warm, personable, human and lifelike to be Dr. Laura.

Can’t keep his mouth shut
More trouble for John Kerry. At the White House Halloween party, the president over-heard Kerry say; “It may be the booze talking, but Laura Bush looks hot in that Hooker costume.”

Ouch
The White House Halloween costume party got awkward; people kept mistakenly congratulating Barbara Bush on her George Washington mask.

Good to hear
A new scientific study shows that red wine helps obese mice stay healthy. This information was viewed as vitally exciting and important news to absolutely nobody on the planet.

Well, OK, then
After botching a joke that insulted the military’s intelligence in Iraq, John Kerry said he refused to apologize but then, yesterday, he apologized. Today Kerry refused to apologize for apologizing but then he apologized for not apologizing about his apology.

Badabing
The military said there are no hard feelings towards John Kerry about the botched joke. In fact, one anonymous military spokesperson said they even have their own John Kerry joke. John Kerry walks into a bar, puts his head in hands and sighs. The bartender asks; “So, why the long face?”