It is hard out here
Oh snap, who ‘dat, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers?
I am proud to say I finished ahead of Condoleeza Rice
George Clooney was rated the 1# man’s man in an online poll. Other’s didn’t do as well. Kevin Federline finished somewhere between Clay Aiken and Rosie O’Donnell.
She’s agin’ it
Madonna appeared on “Oprah” and angrily denounced the press’ coverage of her African toddler adoption. Because, as we all know, if there is one thing that Madonna can’t stand, it’s publicity.
Things are going pretty well with Madonna’s adopted baby. First she named him David and now she is teaching him a phony English accent.
Ouch
He is going to be fine, but Madonna’s new African adopted baby hurt his eye. It was an accident but still, Child Protective Services was called in and they confiscated all of Madonna’s cone bras.
Out of it
A Denver man emerged from 6 months of amnesia. His first words were that he wanted to bet on the New York Mets in the World Series and donate the winnings to Mark Foley’s re-election campaign.
Proof
A new study shows that men who spent hours on their cell phone have a far lower sperm count than normal. That means men that spend hours on their cell phone have a far less chance of reproducing. Ironclad proof there is a god.
Their vows
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married on November 18th. The couple have written their own vows and we have an advanced copy. Tom wrote; “I promise to love and respect you, Katie” and Katie wrote; “Somebody help me escape, this guy is freakin’ nuts. Help.”
Kind of suspicious
San Diego Charger linebacker Shawne Merriman faces a four game suspension for testing positive for steroids. NFL authorities first became suspicious when they spotted Merriman bench pressing the Coronado bridge.
Merriman denies any knowledge of steroids but does admit the steroids could have been planted on him by a priest when he was drunk on Tequila with Mel Gibson.
Just kidding, Hon
The Supreme Court of New Jersey has ruled that gays should be allowed the same rights of marriage without actually being married. So that means that gays can have the same social and economic rights of being married without the resultant crushing boredom and lack of sex.
Since you asked:
As a former Wall Street bond broker and a former Wall Street in La Jolla stock broker, I would like to introduce a new feature in a.l.B.B. called:
Whose stock is up. Whose stock is down.
Alec Baldwin’s stock is way up. Funny, funny guy. Check out “30 Rock.” And at least when he spews about politics he knows what he is talking about.
Terrell Owens stock is way down. He dropped a ball my eight-year-old daughter would have caught and she is a soccer player trained not to use her hands.
Madonna’s stock is way down. Madonna has been such a self-promoting marketing whore for so long now when she tries to do something nice it still backfires in her smug gap-toothed face.
Christie Brinkley’s stock is way up. Have you seen her lately? Wow, wow and a couple more wows and then toss in a wow for good measure. The only woman on the planet who has remained hotter longer is figure skater great Peggy Flemming who has been smoking since 1968.
Matthew Perry’s stock is up. Check out the other show about “SNL” “Studio 60.” Who knew Chandler Bing had range and could be brooding and acerbic?
“Saturday Night Live” stock is down. There are two shows out about “SNL” and both are funnier than “SNL.” “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” is funnier than “SNL” on a nightly basis. At least it looks like they finally dumped Horatio Sanz in a ditch in Jersey. Leave the gun, take the burrito.
I am proud to say I finished ahead of Condoleeza Rice
George Clooney was rated the 1# man’s man in an online poll. Other’s didn’t do as well. Kevin Federline finished somewhere between Clay Aiken and Rosie O’Donnell.
She’s agin’ it
Madonna appeared on “Oprah” and angrily denounced the press’ coverage of her African toddler adoption. Because, as we all know, if there is one thing that Madonna can’t stand, it’s publicity.
Things are going pretty well with Madonna’s adopted baby. First she named him David and now she is teaching him a phony English accent.
Ouch
He is going to be fine, but Madonna’s new African adopted baby hurt his eye. It was an accident but still, Child Protective Services was called in and they confiscated all of Madonna’s cone bras.
Out of it
A Denver man emerged from 6 months of amnesia. His first words were that he wanted to bet on the New York Mets in the World Series and donate the winnings to Mark Foley’s re-election campaign.
Proof
A new study shows that men who spent hours on their cell phone have a far lower sperm count than normal. That means men that spend hours on their cell phone have a far less chance of reproducing. Ironclad proof there is a god.
Their vows
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married on November 18th. The couple have written their own vows and we have an advanced copy. Tom wrote; “I promise to love and respect you, Katie” and Katie wrote; “Somebody help me escape, this guy is freakin’ nuts. Help.”
Kind of suspicious
San Diego Charger linebacker Shawne Merriman faces a four game suspension for testing positive for steroids. NFL authorities first became suspicious when they spotted Merriman bench pressing the Coronado bridge.
Merriman denies any knowledge of steroids but does admit the steroids could have been planted on him by a priest when he was drunk on Tequila with Mel Gibson.
Just kidding, Hon
The Supreme Court of New Jersey has ruled that gays should be allowed the same rights of marriage without actually being married. So that means that gays can have the same social and economic rights of being married without the resultant crushing boredom and lack of sex.
Since you asked:
As a former Wall Street bond broker and a former Wall Street in La Jolla stock broker, I would like to introduce a new feature in a.l.B.B. called:
Whose stock is up. Whose stock is down.
Alec Baldwin’s stock is way up. Funny, funny guy. Check out “30 Rock.” And at least when he spews about politics he knows what he is talking about.
Terrell Owens stock is way down. He dropped a ball my eight-year-old daughter would have caught and she is a soccer player trained not to use her hands.
Madonna’s stock is way down. Madonna has been such a self-promoting marketing whore for so long now when she tries to do something nice it still backfires in her smug gap-toothed face.
Christie Brinkley’s stock is way up. Have you seen her lately? Wow, wow and a couple more wows and then toss in a wow for good measure. The only woman on the planet who has remained hotter longer is figure skater great Peggy Flemming who has been smoking since 1968.
Matthew Perry’s stock is up. Check out the other show about “SNL” “Studio 60.” Who knew Chandler Bing had range and could be brooding and acerbic?
“Saturday Night Live” stock is down. There are two shows out about “SNL” and both are funnier than “SNL.” “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” is funnier than “SNL” on a nightly basis. At least it looks like they finally dumped Horatio Sanz in a ditch in Jersey. Leave the gun, take the burrito.
posted by Alex at
9:30 AM
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