Friday, October 27, 2006

It is hard out here

Check out yo booooy here agin. Last time it was New York’s Newsday and not it is local, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Yessir, I got this country surrounded.

If the St. Louis Cardinals beat the Detroit Tigers tonight in game five of the World Series, Detroit will get the last thing it needs: 40 more people who aren’t going to work.  

Since you asked:

So there I am on a beautiful Saturday morning , about as Fall-like as it gets around here, in front of the local bagel shop, when I see a woman about 60 and she is walking the cutest little yellow Labrador puppy.

Now everybody has a default goofy baby talk voice for dogs, mine sounds like a really drunk Bullwinkle. But I am so goofy about puppies, especially Lab puppies, that seemingly with no control from my brain, the voice gets wrenched up times ten to really stupid. And that is right what I launched into when I saw this lady’s puppy bounding at me all paws and ears:

“Whoooa, wases dats my widdle puppy wuppers? Yesseses it wasseses my widdle biddy pupper wuppers duppers.”

Feel free to puke.

So I am in full puppy snuggling, fat fuzzy tummy rubbing, muzzle nuzzling mode, when the lady says to me in a very slow and deliberate way;

“Please . . .  be . . . gentle . . .with . . . the . . .puppy. You . . . . like . . .  little . . .puppies? That . . . is…. so . . . sweeeeeeeet.”

Suddenly I get a really confused look on my face, stop petting the puppy and ask her;

“Excuse me, Lady, why are you talking to me like that?”

The lady gasped and covered her mouth in surprise and said;

“On my word, I am so sorry. I thought you were retarded.”

She probably isn’t the first and, sadly, she won’t be the last.