Don’t be hatin’ up on the playas in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Cup-o-Joe
A study reveals the coffee is loaded with beneficial disease fighting antioxidants. In fact, if you have a really good HMO it will cover about half the cost of a Starbucks double Latte.

A study reveals the coffee is loaded with beneficial disease fighting antioxidants. In a related story, Starbucks will now open a chain of stores in all Rite Aids.

Now that’s hot
It has been hot in Texas during President Bush’s vacation. To give you an idea how hot, five boxes of crayons melted before the President could even color with them.

They should name a drink after weather conditions like that
Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. To show how strong the hurricane was, it actually blew some tops back on to women partying in the French Quarter.

Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans. It was wild having a hurricane in New Orleans, it was so windy it would blow women’s tops off but then it would give them some plastic beads.

Figures
It was announced that fans attending NFL games will be subjected to heavy pat downs by security guards. In a related story, Ryan Seacrest just bought San Francisco Forty Niners season tickets.

Rough road home
Congratulations to the Little League World Series winners Hawaii. Hopefully this win might help take the sting out of the fact that now they have to go back and live in Hawaii.

Congratulations to the Little League World Series winners the Pacific resort paradise Island of Hawaii beating the Caribbean resort paradise island of Curacao. There really were no losers except for the rest of us who don’t get to go back to live in Hawaii or Curacao.

Curacao had a rough road to the World Series barely beating all the other famous liqueurs, Grand Marnier, Triple Sec and Kahlua.

Domestic Diva gone wild
In two days, Martha Stewart gets off probation and gets to take off her ankle bracelet monitor. Martha plans to go nuts: Popeyes Fried Chicken, Wal Mart and then the movie “The Dukes of Hazard.”

Update on Katrina.
Because of hurricane Katrina, residents of New Orleans were told to evacuate and generally everyone cooperated, well, except for the drunks and hookers. This just in: nobody left New Orleans.

And now here is a new feature all the good people at a.l.b.B came up with we like to call:

Things Lex gets, things Lex doesn’t get

Reality TV? Lex doesn’t get.

Keanu Reeves? Lex doesn’t get.

Justin Timberlake: Lex really doesn’t get.

Russell Crowe? He’s a greasy schmuck, but Lex gets it.

Larry David? Lex gets.

NASCAR? Lex doesn’t get.

Danica McKeller? Lex gets.

Scarlett Johanson? Lex doesn’t get.

Jessica Simpson? Lex doesn’t get but can see why others do.

Denise Richards? Man, does Lex get that.

Bobby Brown? Lex will never, ever, get that.

Soccer? Lex is just starting to get that.

Tom Cruise? Lex gets when he is in a movie not being himself.

HBO’s “Entourage”? Lex gets, especially the always awesome – and I’ve said this from his movie stealing scene in “Singles”- Jeremy Piven. But why is the lead character, Vince, such a damn whiner?

“Eww, I’m a movie star but I don’t want to be in a blockbuster movie. Ewww, you’ll pay me fifty million to be in a blockbuster? Oh, I guess so, but I don’t like it.. Eww, Mandy Moore just hurt my feelings, eww, I don’t want the fifty million, I’m gonna go sulk now.”

Enough. Slap him. This guy whines more than Larry David and that is really saying something. But at least Larry is funny when he whines.

Mandy Moore? Lex doesn’t get.

Lindsay Lohan? Hate to admit it, but Lex kinda gets that.

Referring to oneself in the third person? Lex doesn’t get that.