Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Today is the one year anniversary of the Pizza Rat. In the last year, Pizza Rat was hired by Papa Johns as as spokesrat, but quit because he hated the pizza.

In sad news, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are splitting up. It is serious. They’re bringing in a census taker to figure out custody.

So, does this mean I will never be adopted by them? 

Disgraced congressmen, Anthony Weiner, was sexting a 15-year-old girl. At this point even other congressmen are calling Weiner sleazy.

And thus the group “Men Should Not Be Neutered” takes another public relations hit.

Donald Trump Jr. tweeted a meme comparing a bowl of Skittles to Syrian refugees. This is not without precedent. Other political experts have compared Donald Trump to Hostess Ding Dongs and his wife, Melania, to Ho Hos.

Donald Trump has finally admitted President Obama was born in the US. “Oh, well, that changes everything, I am totally voting for Trump now,” said zero black people. 

U2 singer, Bono, said Donald Trump is trying to hijack the idea of America. In response, Trump said, “Hey, Bono, I found what you’re looking for. It’s a piece of Shut-the-hell-up pie.” 

In sad news, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are splitting up. The couple is seeking joint custody, but he’s seeking sole custody of their joints. 

Donald Trump’s running mate, Mike Pence, said his role model for Vice President is Dick Cheney. His role model was Darth Vader, but then he found out Darth Vader is a fictional character. 

At the Emmy red carpet, “American Ninja Warrior,” Jesse Graff did an impressive cartwheel in a long red dress. On the same red carpet, Kim Kardashian broke her nail taking a selfie.