Tuesday, January 18, 2011

This right here was the scene of the crime this weekend

Tonight’s episode: The Knight of the Pail Bare, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Martha Stewart needed nine stitches after one of her dog’s head hit her in the lip. It is the dog equivalent of putting a bomb in a briefcase next to Hitler.

A study says ESP is real. See, I knew they would say that.

A study shows children who were spanked a lot grow up to have shorter attention spans including attention deficit dis, oh my word, look at that, that guy has a blue shirt.

The feel good story about Ted Williams, the homeless man with the golden voice, is unraveling faster than a Paris Hilton hair weave. First Williams was detained by police, now he is entering rehab. All that is left for the celebrity grand slam is to release a fragrance and nail a Kardashian.

The worst part of the Boston snowstorm? Listening to weatherman trying to come up with clever nicknames like snowmageddon. Here’s my suggestion, you want to give a nickname to something that is three feet high and really annoying? How about a Snow-Snooki?

A South Carolina man had a run-in with the police because he had a snowman complete with pink-dyed male genitals so he had to remove it or get arrested. It’s illegal to have male genitals on a snowman, it’s listed in the penal code.

Sarah Palin said she regrets if she offended people with her blood libel comment, but she isn’t ready to fully refudiate the statement.

A study says ESP is real. I believe it, last week I predicted Sarah Palin would say something controversial in the future.

The first Gay History museum has opened in San Francisco. They even have a gay carnival ride with a sign that says “You must be at least this fierce to enjoy this ride.”

There is a new scale available that will update your weight results on twitter. It’s called: The Scale Nobody Will Buy.

The Green Bay Packers are led by linebacker, Clay Matthews III, his dad, Clay Jr., was All Pro, his uncle, Bruce, is in the Hall of Fame and his younger brother, Casey, at Oregon, may be the best of them all. In a related story, the Carolina Panthers just legally changed all of their player’s names to Matthews.

The NOAA reports 2010 tied for the warmest year ever. To which the people of the Northeast said; “Bite me, NOAA.”

Since you asked:
Great time in Las Vegas. Saturday, worked out, got an old school haircut - hot face towel, straight edge razor shave - worked out, watched Ravens-Steelers, daughter’s team kicked butt in soccer tournament, steak sandwich and then won $200 bucks at the black jack table.

In the words of the legendary Max Von Stockenstiem: That did not suck.

Sunday kind of more of the same except lost $100 on those dog-ass Jets and the girls had a lousy game.