The entire country of Finland is making jokes about Donald Trump saying they rake their forest floors. And Finland is known for their comedy the way Donald Trump is known for his down-to-earth honesty and lustrous hair.



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In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all one round match for $9 million. Don’t let the polite promotion fool you, Tiger hates Phil the way Melania hates an NSA exec. sitting in her seat on Air Force One.


In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all one round match for $9 million. Tiger hates Phil for teasing him. Tiger is thinned-skinned and vindictive. He’s like a Donald Trump who doesn’t cheat at golf.    



In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all one round match for $9 million. The players will be wearing mics. Tiger’s mic will be closed-captioned for the swearing impaired.





In Las Vegas Saturday, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson are playing a winner-take-all match for $9 million. The players will be wearing mics. So, kids, if Tiger hits a bad shot, he is shouting the term “Clock Sacker.” He hates people who steal tall time pieces.

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In Florida, a giant sea turtle was towing ropes attached to bales of $53 million in cocaine. They suspected it was cocaine when the turtle was swimming at 30 MPH.

They suspected cocaine when the turtle was wearing matching ear and pinky rings. And he is dating Paris Hilton.




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The entire country of Finland is making jokes about Donald Trump saying they rake their forest floors. But remember, Trump is a big believer in raking. Trump thinks raking hair from one side of his head to another cures baldness.





Since you asked:


The duel between Lefty and Tiger Saturday should be fun. On a promo on HBO we learned that Tiger’s back injury was way worse than anyone knew. He could not pick things up off the floor. He was afraid his kids would grow up knowing he was the guy who had to lay down constantly.

The problems with Tiger Woods began before he became a pro. I got to stand next to him at a Pro-Am tournament in Palm Dessert and I was surprised at how tall he was despite his slouch. Sniffing and honking his allergy-running nose, Tiger struck me as far more of an Eldridge - his first name - than a Tiger.

Years later at the Buick Open at Torrey Pines, the person I saw puffing out his chest and angrily ignoring offers for high-fives was a completely invented character. A phony.

My theory is Nike decided there was only one blueprint to market Tiger Woods and that was Michael Jordan. The problem is basketball and golf are opposites in attitudes. Jordan’s endless trash talking and scorched-earth philosophy of destroying anything in his way and bullying opponents and officials did not translate to the genteel atmosphere of golf. 

Plus they pushed Woods image as the perfect father and husband which, as we learned one fire hydrant later, was just an outright lie.

Leftie is not perfect, gambling problems and such, but he is not a phony. And now I don’t think Tiger is a phony anymore. He was forced to lay his cards on the table.

And as we saw when Tiger won a tournament again and the entire huge gallery lost their minds, all was forgiven.  

Golf is better with Tiger and Phil. 

But I am cheering for Phil.