Monday, October 09, 2017

It's the waiting that's the hardest part, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers


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A coach for the Miami Dolphins was seen on video snorting cocaine. Bringing new meaning to the term line coach.

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An American, Galen Rupp, won the Chicago marathon for the first time in 15 years. Kenya believe it? 

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A German soccer team is sponsored by a female porn star. For many of their fans, that fact is tough to swallow.


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An American, Galen Rupp, won the Chicago marathon for the first time in 15 years. Even Barack Obama is demanding to see Rupp’s Non-Kenyan birth certificate. 




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The world’s heaviest woman died this week at 1,102 pounds. But at 1,102, does the 2 really matter?


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The Indianapolis Colts unveiled their Peyton Manning statue. It is lifelike down to the fact it has the same 40-yard-dash time as Manning. 


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In Colorado Springs, a woman jogger, dubbed the Mad Pooper, has targeted a family’s home to defecate on their lawn. Whatever they did to her, this is a crappy response.


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A coach for the Miami Dolphins, who was seen on video snorting cocaine, has resigned. He wants to spend more time with his stupidity.

People were shocked to see the video of the Miami Dolphins coach snorting cocaine. But that is Miami. If the Dolphins did not let in any fans who did cocaine, their home games would resemble Chargers games.



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In a 30-9 loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars, Pittsburgh Steeler, QB, Ben Roethlisberger threw five interceptions, two for touchdowns. Roethlisberger was so frustrated, he almost sexually assaulted himself.



Since you asked:


The Green Bay Packers beat the Dallas Cowboys. When three-time domestic abuser, Ezekiel Elliott, gets thrown for a loss, don’t fairness-in-advertising laws dictate Elliott has to make the throat-clutching gesture to offset his self-aggrandizing “Feed Me” gesture?

Have not dispised a player in the NFL as much as Elliott since Ben Roethlisberger walked after his second time of beating and raping a woman or the fourth time Michael Irvin sexually assaulted a woman while gacked to his gills on coke.

That Ewok looking troll Elliott is going to Lawrence Phillips is way out of the league, but without Phillips's endearing personality.


Sadly, nobody, including Lawrence Phillips, got to see enough of this guy. They just got to see this guy:



Speaking of Phillips.

Was surprised at how surprised I was by “Running For His Life: The Lawrence Phillips Story.” You think you know a guy’s story. No father, mother hated him. Raised by a loving foster mother in the mean streets of Southeast L.A. 

Beloved by high school coach, given chance after chance. Goes to Nebraska. Amazing talent. Beats his ex-girlfriend, drags her down three flights by her hair. Still given chances. Blows all of them. 

Drinks his way out of the NFL. Beats his girlfriend nearly to death in San Diego and then goes to prison for running over a kid with his car whom he had just played touch football.

Kills himself in prison after he kills his cellmate for the extra room. 

You look at that mean sneer on all the mug shots of Phillips and you just think he was a bad guy. Easy. Simple. 

Not so.

Truly beloved by his Nebraska teammates and coach, Tom Osborne. He had a huge endearing side. Even sweet. Loved to read. Impeccable penmanship. Damn good writer. Loved a good laugh. A good, loyal friend. 

Lawrence just ended up with a fatal flaw in his software. A glitch. He had a jealous rage and temper that he could not control. Who knows how it got there? Probably when one of his mother’s boyfriends beat the crap out of him and urinated on him when he was ten while his mother watched approvingly. Maybe he was born with it?

That angry flaw probably helped him become a great running back like it did Jim Brown, John Riggins and OJ Simpson. Running angry is a key to being a great running back. 

However that flaw got there, that flaw in his software was more than Phillips could handle. He tried to drown it in booze, but that made it worse as it always does.

The Lawrence Phillips story was truly sad. And not just because of the incredible football talent he wasted. The cynics will say that talent is why Lawrence was given so many chances, and that is probably true.

But there was a genuine lovable sweetheart buried in that tough, scary running back.  It just never stood a chance with that nasty, angry glitch in his software.