Want some, get some, have some, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A prosecutor said Robert Mueller is investigating Donald Trump as if he was in the Mafia. Mueller is even going to investigate Trump’s son, Fredo. I mean Eric.

In Germany, a man in a gym got his penis caught in a five-pound weight. It was really embarrassing. His personal best was ten pounds.

In Germany, a man in a gym got his penis caught in a five-pound weight. It was really embarrassing. Especially when there was a softly inflated fitness ball right next to him.

In a speech to African leaders, President Trump praised the non-existent country of Nambia. Trump then suggested his critics not get their covfefe in a wad.

While starring on a TV show and appearing at the Emmys for her TV show that won an Emmy, Shailene Woodward bragged on TV she did not own a TV. It’s like a hooker bragging about not putting out on the first date.

Tonight’s “Thursday Night Football” is the Los Angeles Rams versus the San Francisco Forty Niners. Or as viewers are calling it, “I’m watching “NCIS.”

It has been revealed certain species of frogs participate in sex orgies. Which explains why Kermit wore a toupee, a diamond earring, drove a Porsche and had custom-made silk shirts.

Since you asked:

Actor, Bernie Casey, passed at 78. In addition to a damn good actor, Casey was an NFL All Pro, and an accomplished painter and a published poet. Many are calling Bernie the anti-Eric Trump. Why do I get the awful feeling they're just not making people this good anymore?