Friday, April 28, 2017

Hugo’s rockin’ in the free world, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Did you see J-Lo’s dress at the Latin Music Awards? Neither could she.

New York Mets pitcher, Noah Syndergaard, left the Nationals game with an injury. And no, it was not split-ends.

United and Dr. Dao have reached an amicable agreement. United will even feature Dr. Dao in their new ad campaign: “United. We’re Not Such A Drag Anymore.” 

United drags overbooked passengers off, American hit a mother. What the hell is Spirit Airlines doing to rank last in customer service? 

Ann Coulter said she will pull out of her speech at Berkeley. Marking the first time the phrase “pull out” has ever had to have been used on Ann Coulter.

Happy 47th birthday to Melania Trump. Or as Donald Trump calls it: “Happy 30th. Plus the other 17, I guess.”

A Facebook trend is listing nine bands you’ve seen and one you have not and making friends guess. If Facebook got any more annoying it would have to drag us from a plane.

"My heart soars like a hawk."

"My wife is Crow. The Crow people are strange to me. They say Crow women like to have sex with horses. When I asked my wife about this, she said she did not have sex with horses. That is why I call her Woman Who Does Not Like Horses."

- Old Lodge Skins. "Little Big Man." 

I’ll admit, the woman pulling up in the left turn lane in the Mercedes coup was attractive in a Kendall Jenner-wannabe way. But she was committing two pet peeves: A, she had her left foot on the dashboard as she drove - might as well have a sign “Lazy Beyatch On Board.” And, B,  she was texting like crazy.

Now the game in my head is not how much she is going to miss the light when it turns green due to her avid texting, but by how much? There are three cars in back of her now. 

Much to my surprise, when the light turned green her head popped up like a prairie dog. Wow. I thought. She is good at this. She will drive right off as it changes. 


She saw that the light had changed and went back to finishing her text. She knew she was making three cars wait. She. Did. Not. Care.

When somebody in back honked, she flipped them off and then and only then put her phone down and took off. She was the only one who made the light. The other three cars had to wait another light change. 

Not sure why, but it immediately occurred to me this selfish little witch is exactly who voted for Donald Trump. She is not uneducated. She clearly is not poor. She is not a crazy gun fanatic. She probably isn’t even a republican. She is just a selfish, lazy little entitled brat who heard Trump could do stuff for her. So she voted for him. She did not care a snit about the pussy grabbing or the lies. 

Let’s not forget to put a good deal of the blame for recent airline unpleasantness in the lap of idiots flying who don’t know how to behave. The recent Delta fight was between two pieces of crap. Dr. Dao was told not to re-board the plane. The woman on American was told not to bring her stroller on the plane. 

Believe me, I am not making excuses for the airlines. Once flew on a Spirit Airlines flight with an older, bitter flight attendant who was openly angry and hostile to all of the passengers, especially me. She was just itching for an excuse to throw me off the flight, but I would not give it to her.