Friday, March 17, 2017

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In honor of St. Patrick's Day, they dye the Chicago River green. This year, as an added bonus, the Cubs also dyed the White Sox fans green with envy.

Since you asked:

New Rule: whatever douche-bag celebrity has more than $10,000 worth of jewelry lying around stolen? They have to donate that amount to fighting cancer. 

St. Patrick's Day celebrity dirt addition;

Bruce Willis will always rank as one of the people I despised the most in the shortest period of time.

Bruce was a bartender in the hip club Kamikaze in New York circa early 80’s. He was short, balding, smug and coked to the gills on an incredible mall-cop-like power trip. 

In the entire time I was there, which totaled about three nights, Bruno-the-dick never made eye contact with me, let alone would he deem to lower himself to take my drink order. 

And, according to some chardonnay-soaked Ketchum, Idaho trophy wives in a wine bar over ten years later, in violation of the non-disclosure agreement the Willis’s had them sign, Bruce and Demi are/were incredibly kinky and into group sex. (Let’s say neither Demi nor Bruce is overly committed to one team. Yes, that means what you think it means)

And, worst of all, Bruce is a shitty harmonica player who whores his celebrity to foist his awful playing on people.

So all those stories you've heard of Bruce Willis turning into a major dick? Not true.  

Bruce was always a dick.

Now on a more positive note:

One of the many joys of living in San Diego in the 90’s was having Joan Kroc amongst us. 

As Joan got a tad older - and had a run-in with a DUI - she finally hired a driver. Many times I saw her being driven around - sitting in front, of course - in her mid-size, light brown Buick. At the grocery store she smiled and said hello. 

Joan was as unassuming as a billionaire could be. A genuinely nice, midwestern gal. A gal's gal. 

From time to time - at least once a month - there would be sad story on the local news about someone falling on hard times;  a little league team could not afford a trip to a tournament; a single mom was about to get evicted; a family could not afford to keep a dog.

Low and behold, the next day there was an extremely generous gift from an anonymous benefactor. Joan vehemently denied making these donations, of course. 

But when Joan passed, the gifts stopped.