You mess with a taint, there gonna be a complaint, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A study claims a four-second pause is enough to make a conversation awkward. Especially if it follows the statement, “You’re standing on my foot.” 

Former Raven, Ray Lewis, is going to be on “Lip Sync Battle.” Based on his history, I bet Ray is going to kill. 

In San Francisco, an S&M porn studio had to shut down for financial reasons. They were getting spanked on their bottom line.  

Conservatives are threatening to boycott Starbucks due to their CEO’s pledge to hire 10,000 immigrants. How dare he have immigrants serve their Brazilian, Colombian, Kenyan and Ethiopian coffees?

Trump advisor, Kellyanne Conway, compared Donald Trump to Jesus. Not sure about that. The only miracles Trump has performed is getting businesses that sold football, gambling, meat and booze to Americans to fail. 


Since you asked:

Overheard in a bar, guy ogling woman,

"That woman is a skyrocket to Woodrowland." 

Maybe this is a chefs-are-a-pain-in-the-ass thing combined with a diva thing, but I have it on impeccable authority that Rachel Ray, Padma Lakshmi and Ann Burrell are all scorching uber bitches. 

Anne Burrell is a bitch on the air, but she is even worse off the air. But Rachel Ray is the biggest hypocrite, she is sweetness and light on the air, but the worst one of all off the air. But Padma is a close second.