My taint is turnt, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Russia’s parliament just voted to decriminalize domestic violence. Man, they must really want an NFL team.

(this line really offended two, um, people on Facebook)

In San Francisco, a kinky porn studio is closing. Remember, in San Francisco, kinky porn is missionary position between a married man and woman. 

The proposed import tax of 20% to pay for the wall would actually be paid for by US consumers.  Asked to comment, Donald Trump said, “Fake news,” and ran away.

Chris Bertish has made it halfway across the Atlantic on a stand up paddle board. Once I ate Tang crystals with a spoon because I did not want to have to go the trouble of mixing it with water. 

A study claims a four-second pause is enough to make a conversation awkward. Especially if it follows the statement, “You’re standing on my foot.”