The State Department has declared the son of Osama Bin Laden a global terrorist. His name is Kim Jong Un Bin Laden.

In Arizona, a naked woman stole a sheriff’s vehicle and has led police on a wild chase. Time to step up your game, Florida. 

During the NFL game, the announcer said, “In fourth down territory, you need to bring your heavy package and pound it in the A-hole.” And we wonder why the NFL has a history of sexual assault? 

Four people in Texas shot after a fight on Facebook escalated. See, I would have gone with a frowny face emoji, but that’s me. 

They made a speaker that is designed to fit in a pregnant woman’s vagina so the baby can hear music. Not too loud or the butthole living next door will complain.