Sometimes you can’t even even when you’re trying to even, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

ESPN has fired Ray Lewis and is reducing the role of Mike Ditka. No truth to the rumor Ditka and Lewis will start their own show, “The Crabby and Stabby Show.” 

“Game of Thrones” spoiler alert. Jon Snow comes back to life. But Khloe will only take him back if he stays sober.

Of the list of the top 1,000 baby names the name Isis has dropped out. And the names Chipotle and Zika aren’t doing so great either. 

“Game of Thrones” spoiler alert. On the last episode, nobody was killed and one main character came back to life. Only 3,732 to go until they’re even. 

“Captain America: Civil War” opened with $678 mil. globally. It has been described as “Superman V. Batman” only without the sucking. 

Last year’s Triple Crown winner, American Pharoah, gets paid $200,000 for sex and he has sex three times a day for $600,000. So, guys, compared to American Pharoah, we are all abject failures. 

Some of the names being considered to replace Michael Strahan on “Live! with Kelly and Michael,” are Neil Patrick Harris, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. Once again, straight males are the tragic victims of blatant sexism-based discrimination. It has to stop. 

Since you asked:

From Stunk and White’s “Elements of Style.” In Chapter V, “An Approach To Style,” 14, “Avoid Fancy Words,” in talking about the importance of a good ear winning out over strict adherence to grammar, you can end a sentence with a preposition. 

“A claw hammer, not an ax, is the tool he murdered her with.” This is preferable to “A claw hammer, not an ax, is the tool with which he murdered her.” 

And would you write, “The worst tennis player around here is I,” or “The worst tennis player around here is me?” The first is good grammar. The second is good judgment.

Take that pedantic grammar Nazis. Ear over rules. Good to know. 

Love hearing Dusty Baker whine about the Cubs walking Bryce Harper after being swept. Once again, Baker shows his incredible lack of class. 

Saw the “60 Minutes” piece on doping by Russian Olympic athletes. No doubt the Russians were sleazy drug cheaters and deserve to be banned, but this taints all sports, especially track and field. And the whistleblowers, Vitaly and Yulia Stepanov, were a case of the right message, but the wrong messengers.

The Stepanovs did not decide to step off and grow a conscientious until she was injured and tested positive for steroids and he had been fired from his low-level urine-testing job. (Was he the shaker?) Make no mistake, these two are opportunistic snitches, not heroes. 


The list of celebrities who support Donald Trump reads like a No Fly List of A-holes: Mike Tyson, Jesse James, the Duck Dynasty dicks, Ted Nugent (possibly the biggest a-hole in the world) Dennis Rodman, Mike Ditka, Hulk Hogan, Jesse Ventura, Gary Busey, Sarah Palin. How is OJ Simpson not on this list? How is Caitlyn Jenner not on this list? 

Last year’s Triple Crown winner, American Pharoah, gets paid $200,000 for sex and he has sex three times a day. So the next time someone you know gets cocky, ask them: “Did you have sex three times today? No?  But if you had, would you have made $600,000 doing it? No? Well than I guess a horse just kicked your ass.”

SMART

(Voice Over:)

"The only names being considered to replace Michael Strahan on “Live! with Kelly and Michael,” are Neil Patrick Harris, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen. Once again, straight males in the entertainment world are the tragic victims of blatant sexism-based discrimination. 

It has to stop."

(Cut to: huckster lawyer type like Bob Odenkirk in “Better Call Saul”)

“Guys, are you in the entertainment business and you sing, act, style hair, apply makeup or model, but you just can’t catch a break because you happen to like boobies?”

“Than you too may be a  victim of SMART: Straight Males Alway Rejected Tragically.” 

These days in Hollywood the only jobs given to straight men are going to actors portraying gay men. Why, did you know that Jared Leto, James Franco and Eric Stonestreet are actually straight? That is because the only work they could get were being cast as gay men. Reverse reverse discrimination. 

This discrimination has to stop.

Whether you try to hide your straightness acting somewhere between Neil Patrick Harris all the way over to Johnny Weir, they will trick you into outing yourself by asking about your Fantasy Football team or your love of Eagles music and grilling.

Or they may ask you to dance.

If you suspect you have been the victim of SMART, call this number now: 

1-800-Brokbak. 


Together we can put the pay in not being gay.