Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Pretty sure my obsession with the bass player on the "The Late, Late Show with James Corden," Hagar Ben-Ari, is not normal. She has this great expression like she is about to launch into a really bad "Scarface" Tony Montana or Bob De Niro impression.  

Tom Brady has published a cookbook where he reveals his diet is 90% organic vegetables, no sugar, no fat, no flour, no caffeine, no gluten. It’s titled “Maybe My Life Isn’t That Great.” 

Tom Brady’s $200 cook book has sold out. No wonder. Here are some of the recipes:

Rob Gronkowski’s Red Bull and Vodka marinated Chicken Wings.

Coach Bill Belichick’s  Personality Platter: Soybean Meatless Meat Loaf Smothered in Mayonnaise. 

Giselle Bundchin’s Super Model Binge: A half a grape on a Triscuit. 

Tom Brady’s "Tribute to NFL executives" sandwich: Turkey with jack and asiago cheese. It's called the Jack-Ass Turkey Club.

Sharon Osbourne returned to “The Talk” and confirmed her marriage was splitting up because Ozzie had an affair.  This just in: a woman wanted to have sex with Ozzie Osbourne. 

It took a Florida man two days to realize he had shot himself in the arm. It takes me two days to whine about a paper cut. 

Budweiser is petitioning to change its name to America. That’s short for: America’s Leading Cause of Cirrhosis. 

A report claims the trending topics on Facebook are editing out conservative political topics. Instead of editing out what they should edit: vegan dinner selfies. 

Former New York Jet, Antonio Cromartie’s wife just had twins bringing his total to 12 children with 8 women. He wanted to thank everyone for the good wishes to his twins, what’s her name and who’s his face. 

This election between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton is described as the race of the despised. How despised? Remember the two robbers in “Home Alone”? They were not as despised. 

A Mexican judge ruled drug lord, El Chapo, can be extradited to the US.  Upon hearing this, El Chapo begin figuring out how to make his tunnel trains go in reverse. 

A Japanese artist caused a stir for making a kayak that looks like her vagina. Thus creating a new expression for women’s “me” time: paddling the kayak.