Thursday, May 12, 2016

Now this'n right here gettin' her done, by howdy

A New York artist named Tunick wants to take a picture of 100 naked women at the Republican convention in Cleveland. Women interested in posing should check out Tunick’s website titled “Too Lazy To Try Tinder. com” 

A town in Texas is building a $63 mil. high school football stadium. It will be called “Twisted Priorities Stadium.” 

In Japan, an artist caused a stir by making a kayak in the image of her vagina. It looked so real, Bill Cosby offered the kayak a drink. 

Sharon and Ozzie Osbourne now say they may try to talk out their marital problems. Thanks to Ozzie, it could be the first marriage counseling session with subtitles. 

FBI director, James Comey, said that ISIS is losing its appeal in the US. It started when ISIS sided with Jay Z over Beyonce.

The Rosie O’Donnell-Donald Trump feud continues with Rosie saying Trump’s mouth looks like an anus. Rosie made this comment while renewing her “Queen of Nice” title. 

A Chinese man was hospitalized with rotting genitals because, after a fight, his wife sprayed his underwear with pesticide. The wife was immediately hired by ISIS to head up their new “Bat Poop Crazy” department.  

Polls reveals, if the election were held today, Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump would tie. And  if the election were held today, Bernie Sanders would yell, “It’s November already? I must have had one of my spells.”

An emotionally disturbed man was detained outside of Taylor Swift’s New York home. Oh my word, Justin Bieber, please get some help. 

In New York, a wax statue of a kneeling Adolf Hitler sold for $17 mil. It comes with a “I Am A Douche-Bag With Too Much Money” t-shirt. 

Justin Bieber said he will no longer take pictures with his fans. “Oh come on, just one more,” said Bieber’s last fan. 

Rumor has it Caitlyn Jenner is considering re-transitioning back to a man. He thought he despised being a man. Turns out he just despised being a man married to Kris Jenner. 

George Zimmerman is going to auction off the gun he used to kill unarmed teenager, Trayvon Marton. If you want to place a bid, just go to Special Place In Hell. com.

Since you asked:

On Strunk and White’s “The Elements of Style” back cover, the acclaim items includes;

“It is timeless as a book can be in our age of volubility.”    - “The New York Times.”

“Elements of Style,” In Chapter 5, #14: Avoid fancy words.

Speaking of fancy words. If you use the word Kafkaeasque, there is a 98% chance you are a flaming dick. People will tell you you’re smart and you’ll think they mean it, but they hate you. Look at Woody Allen. He used the term Kafkaeasque all the time. We thought Woody was a cute little nerd. Turns out he is a creepy little pervert who was banging his step daughter.

Did you see the video of the New Hampshire car chase where the culprit dropped to the ground and the police started hitting him? That was upsetting. They did not kick him once. Why didn't they kick the crap out of him? If someone leads the police on a two-state deadly car chase, they should get the living hell beaten out of them. Period. 

If I was the public relations director for liberals, I would strongly recommend they refrain from labeling anyone and everyone who disagrees with them as Hitler. Tolerant liberals despise far-right republicans for being shrill and intolerant. It does not help their case against the shrill and intolerant when their go-to move is to call anyone who does not agree with them the most murderous tyrant in history. Maybe lead with Stalin, Franco or Pol Pot. 

In case you think I have turned conservative on you, here is arguably the worst human being in the United States:

Mitch "Toby Turtle" McConnell, even though he is a moron, is a cancer on the soft tissue of progress and a shameless whore for the NRA. 

The rumors are that Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are divorcing and Caitlyn Jenner wants to re-transition back to a man. Both sides vehemently deny these rumors, which means Kim and Kanye are getting a divorce and Caitlyn is going back to Bruce.