Saturday, April 23, 2016

After just passing on Thursday, Prince’s body was cremated today. Normally you can’t get cremated that fast unless you’re playing for the Lakers. 

Too soon? Too soon. 

Since you asked:

With the tragic passing of Prince and all of his considerable musical talent, it has now occurred to me we may want to stop trying to reinvent the wheel. After rap, hip-hop, punk, ska, reggae, heavy metal and (shudder) disco, there really is only one more musical genre to explore:


We need to create a music scene with the worst music ever. “Up With People” bad. Looking Glass's "Brandi You're a Fine Girl," bad. 

Only intentionally. 

Each song has to to be way too loud and then way too quiet and then both. All songs will be written in the key of Chaos. The lyrics really corny and then really rude. The lyrics can neither rhyme nor make any sense. The instruments have to be played out of tune and with no regard for what the other musicians are doing. 

Rule Number One of Crap: There are no rules.

Rule Number Two of Crap: No Outside Food.

Rule Number Six of Crap: Any use of these songs without Crap's express written consent is prohibited.

Here is a ditty I call “Wanker’s Redux.” My first foray into Crap. 

Chocolate nachos eat monkeys on my toes
Sitting in a bamboo hammock with rubber dogs
The river of hunker flows upward at the turnip
Stank daddy, stank daddy, stank daddy, stank.

Here is another crap song I call “Colours.” (Note the fancy English spelling)


See how I ended with a thing that is both a colour and a thing? Like Orange. Oh, snap. Why didn’t I have a stanza-line with orange? 

Nobody said creating a new music genre was going to be easy.