You are a down cat and I dig that about you, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Today I saw a really hard online math test and the first question was so easy: 

“Can you solve these difficult equations?” 

No.

At CNN’s Town Hall meeting, Jeb Bush declared marijuana causes brain damage. He does have some solid evidence: his brother, George W. Bush. 

Did you see Ted Cruz singing Stevie Wonder’s “I just Called To Say I Love You”? It was so white it was nominated for an Oscar.

Stevie Wonder just called to say; “I’m puking my guts out.” 

Authorities are calling a helicopter that fell in the water at Pearl Harbor a “hard landing.” That’s like calling a date with Bill Cosby a pill-enhanced massage.

Are we so politically correct we can’t call a helicopter falling into a harbor a crash? How about calling it a gravity induced aquatic initiation episode?