Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Well, now, you took the turn with me, Miss Daisy, and you were the one holding the map, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

In Turlock, CA, $50,000 worth of bull semen was stolen. The thieves are not considered armed, but they are probably sore-armed. 

For the love of god, Miley Cyrus, get some help. 

Former New York Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, is thinking of running for president. Bernie Sanders always says he’s looking out for the little guy, now one is running for president. 

In Australia, thieves tried to siphon gas from a tour bus, but syphoned sewage instead. The thieves are considered angry, armed and sh*t-faced.

A company makes yoga pants that vibrate when you are in the right position. Especially when you are in the Downward Doggie Style. 

The yoga pants vibrate at three speeds: low, medium and “Who needs a man?” 

Hillary Clinton is now behind Bernie Sanders in the Iowa polls. Hillary is about to make winter storm Jonas look like happy hour in Maui. 

There is a speaker that inserts into a pregnant woman’s vagina so the unborn baby can hear music. The vagina song-list includes “Rock and Roll Hochie Koo.” “Squeeze Box,” and Justin Bieber’s “As Long As You Love Me.” 

Carolina Panthers linebacker, Thomas Davis, broke his arm against the Cardinals, but he plans to play in the Super Bowl. In a related story, the rest of us are all pussies.  

I once stayed home from work because I was having a bad hair day. 

Since you asked;

As for Dr. Anjali Ramkissoon, the tiny Miami doctor who attacked the Uber driver. 

First, we all have bad days. 

Second, most of us have probably acted more poorly than we would have preferred when under the influence of alcohol. 

Third, it is the start of the year and we should all try and be more kind and forgiving. 

Having said that, this little bitch needs to fry. 

She is the embodiment of rude entitlement - not unlike that witch reporter for ESPN, Britt McHenry, who abused the parking lot attendant on camera and should have been fired, but was not. 

Until trolls, like Dr. Anjali Ramkissoon and Britt McHenry, are held accountable and fired for their awful behavior, people will go around thinking they can act the “The Real Idiot Housewives of Wherever.” 

Here is why I genuinely believe neither Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump will be on a ballot in November with a chance to win: character matters and they don’t have it.

If anything our first grade teachers taught us about people and how to treat them is true, than neither Hillary nor Trump have a chance.