Thursday, January 07, 2016

There was a tornado in San Diego. But the good news for animal rights fans is the Orca whales in “SeaWorld” are back in the ocean. 

It was so windy, it actually blew a healthy offensive lineman into the Charger’s practice facility. 

A study claims the more porn a man watches the less motivation he has. Yeah, fine, whatevs. Nap time. 

A CDC study claims bisexuality is on the rise. In fact, bisexuality in increasing so much, Justin Bieber may stop being a lesbian. 

Kourtney Kardashian wants Justin Bieber to apologize on radio for his insulting comments about being used for sex by her. It was awkward when Kourtney asked Bieber for a Mea Culpa and Justin said he doesn’t cook Italian food. 

The government of Iraq has offered to mediate between Saudi Arabia and Iran. In a related story, a kick in the ass has offered to mediate between a punch in the nose and a knee to the nuts. 

Los Angeles is getting a lot of rain. It rained so much, Justin Bieber had to take a rowboat to the Motel 6 to have sex with Kourtney Kardashian. 

Melania Trump said she was attracted to Donald Trump by his energy. In other words, Trump offered to pay her Slovenian family’s electric bill. 

Twitter is testing a feature that would allow posts of 10,000 characters instead of just 140. In a related story, I am going to Twitter-block my drunk Aunt Trudy.

Since you asked:

And here is another dirty secret the world of classic rock does not want you to know: many of our top rock stars are “Star Wars” level full-blown nerds. 

Sure, all of the pseudo-intellectual bands are comprised of world-class dorks, like “Steely Dan” and “Boston.” But one of the icons of cool of rock, Led Zeppelin guitarist, Jimmy Page, is an utter electronic techno-nerd. 

The documentary “This Might Get Loud” about supposed cool rock guitarists, Jimmy Page, the Edge and Jack White, reveals all three are techno-sound dweebs. They just happen to play a cooler-than-hell instrument. 

Lesbian-impregnating rock icon, David Crosby, if not for a guitar and great pipes, would be busy organizing and starring in Renaissance Fairs. The guy wore a cape by choice. Simon and Garfunkel wrote the ultimate ode to Renaissance Fairs, “Scarboro Fair.” 

The always eloquent Don Henley, in his lengthy “Rock and Roll Hall of Fame” speech - after a rambling tirade about the dubious nature of fame - admitted that almost all rock stars were desperately lonely small, skinny high school losers who only wanted to fit in, let alone dream of stealing the hot cheerleader girls from, cough, us football stars.

In “Almost Famous” the late and great Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s character, uber-dork rock critic, Lester Bangs, had a great phone confession to Cameron Crowe’s pseudonym, William Miller, revealing that all the great art comes from uncool losers with broken hearts. 

In the end, aren’t we all just uncool losers with broken hearts? Maybe that is why we love rock music so much. 

Show me someone who hasn’t had their heart broken and I will show you someone who has not lived.

For a little guy who threw off the ‘hood for Beverly Hills faster than you can say, “Your NWA royalty check cleared,” Ice Cube sure does work the “Imma eff you up” ‘tude

There is a new level a-hole in California.  People warm and dry in their cars who do not yield to pedestrians making them wait for them in the rain to drive by.