Eff that ISIS ess right in the bee, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

Bobby Jindal is dropping out of the race. Bobby wants to spend more time with his family that wasn’t going to vote for him either. 

Bobby Jindal is dropping out of the race. This is bad news for two people: comedian Aziz Ansari and his Bobby Jindal impression and Bobby Jindal’s follower. 

Charlie Sheen announced on “Today” that he is HIV positive. And in even more shocking news, Charlie Sheen’s penis has not fallen off yet. 

Ronda Rousey arrived back in Los Angeles but covered up her beat-up face from the press. Ronda’s face was swiped-right more Charlie Sheen’s Tinder profile.   

A proudly single Kate Hudson told “Harper’s Bizarre”  “It is nice to get acquainted with myself alone.” “Get Acquainted With Myself Alone” was my own personal high school prom theme. 

Now that Holly Holm has decisively knocked out Ronda Rousey, we do not know who Holly’s next opponent is. Please, please let it be Dallas Cowboy domestic abuser, Greg Hardy

Oakland Raiders linebacker, Aldon Smith, who has been arrested five times since 2012, was shocked he was suspended for a year for drug violations. Of course, Aldon is the kind of guy who will steal and sell your car and is shocked when you can’t give him a ride. 

“Knock, knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“ISIS.”

“ISIS who?”

“Hey, you can tell the future.” 

What is the difference between Nazi SS officers and ISIS?

ISIS is a pile of festering, putrid, evil, slithering hog pus and I forget the question.