Thursday, August 27, 2015

We gonna slop a whole dollop o’ awesomesauce up on this up in here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

The most popular girls name right now is Emma. The least popular girls name? Trumpolina.

Washington D.C. has the worst traffic in the country. It is so bad, lobbyists are now giving congressmen their bribes via drones.

Turns out there were over 100 employees from ESPN on the cheating site, Ashley Madison. Apparently ESPN stands for Every Sports Person Naughty.

Yesterday was National Dog Day. In North Korea, they have another term for National Dog Day: Brunch.

Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” is now 40 years old. Hard to believe I have been singing this song for 40 years. “A yaddah doodaha dahad, dee dee  do do dah day baby we born to run.”

Today is National Burger Day. Our fat asses need a National Burger Day like Donald Trump needs to talk more.

Following their coach, Steve Sarkanian’s, booze-fueled rant at a banquet, USC has banned booze from their locker room. Steroids, human growth hormone and pot are still fine, just no booze.

At a speech in Iowa, Donald Trump, offended Asians by imitating them with a sing-song sounding broken English “I want deal.” It is all part of Trump’s plan to offend every single person on the planet.

Today is National Burger Day. Is it just me, or is it a little suspicious that National Burger Day comes the day after National Dog Day?

The Oxford Dictionary is including new words like butt-dial, wine-o-clock and awesomesauce. Curiously missing were the new words for a Ashley Madison user: an Ashley Madisonnite, getting knocked out on drugs by Bill Cosby: having a lobotoCosby, and a Trump follower is: a Trumplodyte.

Since you asked:

Something tells me there is a big element of Donald Trump a lot of people are missing. And yet we have all seen it.

Whether it is an Open Mic night at a comedy club, or a roast at a company party or just Thanksgiving with your relatives. We have all seen the horror and ugly tragedy that is someone who is utterly humorless trying to be funny.

When Trump invariably offends, whether commenting on Megyn Kelly’s bleeding from wherever, or his sing-song Asian impression “I want deal” and even his blind-siding an American hero in John McCain with “I like people who weren’t captured.”

Believe it or not, these are Trump’s attempts at off-the-cuff humor.

Yes, I can see why it would be hard to believe these are jokes because they are so far from funny. But that is merely a measurement of how humorless Donald Trump is.

How many times have we seen truly talented comedians become totally humorless due to their over-grown ego? Bill Cosby. Eddie Murphy. Chevy Chase. Rosie O’Donnell.

And Trump never started with a sense of humor, he just went straight to humorless egomaniac.

Nobody is saying great comedians don’t have huge egos. David Letterman, Steve Martin, Louis C.K. They all have huge egos. But they did not lose their ability to make fun of themselves. Self-deprecation is the first victim of megalomania.

Donald Trump is living proof that it is clinically impossible to have a comb-over and a sense of irony.