Sunday, May 31, 2015

A Georgia high school teacher was fired for allowing students to have sex during class in the classroom storage closet even providing them with condoms. Man, my teachers would not let us pass notes.

The teacher claims he was helping the students learn human sexuality. Oddly, though, he was teaching geometry.

FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, vows to restore FIFA’s reputation. At this point it would be easier to restore Paris Hilton’s virginity.

Dustin Diamond, the actor who played Screech in “Saved by the Bell” was convicted of stabbing a man in bar fight. Let’s just say when he hears lights out in prison, he won’t be saved by the bell. .

The Chicago Blackhawks face the Tampa Bay Lightening for the Stanley Cup. Tampa Bay is to hockey what modesty is to the Kardashians.

The Chicago Blackhawks face the Tampa Bay Lightening for the Stanley Cup. It will be fun for the Blackhawks to play against those die-hard and knowledgeable Tampa Bay hockey fans. All three of them.

The Chicago Blackhawks face the Tampa Bay Lightening for the Stanley Cup. Because when people think hockey, they think Tampa Bay. Hockey is to Tampa Bay what Kim Kardashian is to thermonuclear fusion.

All the technology signs are pointing to us having sex with robots soon. Great, just when my rap with human women reaches tolerable, I have to start over.


The biggest lie ever told is; “And they lived happily ever after.” As Orson Welles said, “If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop the story.”

Orson Welles was a visionary. A rebel. An artist. A genius. And he died fat and broke. What we will probably only have in common is the latter.

The arts, the monastery and surfing are the only ways of life where poverty is considered virtuous. Nobody ever said; “Sure, Harry Schwartz the Hedge Fund manager may have died broke, but he never sold out.”

I’m not sure which is a more awful combination, a hypochondriac and Google , a phony show-off and Facebook or a pervert and Twitter.

“Oh, she is hot. So is she. Yes, I would so do her. And her too. OK, she’s too fat.” A Broster dude looking at a plus-sized lingerie models.

Twitter is the greatest writing tool ever invented. Because if 140 characters are not enough for you to express yourself, you have no right . . .

I'm not big on little dogs.