Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Make me wanna hollah, t'row up both my hands like a boss, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

A study shows more and more teens are abandoning Facebook. Especially in West Virginia where they’re tired of getting poked by their cousins.

Harper Lee has written the sequel to “To Kill a Mockingbird” 50 years later. 50 years. Suddenly I don’t feel so bad about still working on my Senior Thesis.

“Suge” Knight has been charged with a hit and run murder. I just can’t believe the guy is guilty, I mean he looks so innocent.

For a limited time and with selected people, McDonalds is accepting an act of love for payment. McDonalds got this idea for accepting an act of love for a limited time with selected people from Taylor Swift.

Loquacious Seattle Seahawk, Richard Sherman, and his girlfriend are expecting a baby boy. Doctors estimate this could be the first child ever born trash talking: “You call that a delivery, Doc? I’ve seen better deliveries from Fed Ex.”

A US record 114.4 million people watched the Super Bowl. In a related story, the Johnny Depp movie, “Mortdecai” has just changed its name to “The Super Bowl.”

Lex's Idea For the Next Starbucks Commercial:

Cut to: Seattle Seahawks coach, Pete Carroll stretching in a Seattle park. As he starts to jog, a guy walking his yellow Lab yells:

"Oh, great, now you decide to run. Perfect. Have you met my dog? His name is Marshawn." 

Then two women wearing matching Marshawn Lynch jerseys run up next to Carroll, one on each side. One says;

"Hey Pete, not sure if you know but this is the jersey of a guy on your team. His name, in case you forgot, is Marshawn Lynch."

The other woman in the Marshawn Lynch jersey says;

"Yeah, Pete, he is the best running back in the league. If you need someone one to run, oh, say a yard or so, he's your guy."

Carroll walks into Starbucks. He orders. He's waiting, looking at his watch. Finally he goes up to the Starbucks barista and says;

"Hey, where is my order?"

Without blinking, the hipster barista says to Carroll:

"Oh, I'm sorry, I assumed you were going to PASS on it."

The grumpy/snotty barista then hands the coffee to Carroll. 

Close up: Carroll's coffee cup has the name "No RE" Pete." written in black.

Marshawn Lynch walks up to Pete Carroll, silently and menacingly glares at him.  Carroll reluctantly hands Marshawn his coffee and walks away. Marshawn yells after him: 

"I'm just here so I won't get fined. Thanks for asking."

Hear that Pete Carroll was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a Mariners game. But fans are asking Seattle management if Marshawn Lynch can just run the ball in instead.

This is a perfect joke from Janice Hough