Thursday, October 02, 2014

Leonardo DiCaprio on a yacht. Yep, this looks like a guy who all he does is worry about global warming. 

Here are my new Hunter Pence signs: 
Hunter Pence puts ice in his Chardonnay.
Hunter Pence is on AOL. 
Hunter Pence’s pin number is 1234. 
Hunter Pence slurps his soup. 
Hunter Pence takes selfies with his cat. 
Hunter Pence wears Crocs.
Hunter Pence leaves an empty coffee pot in the break room.

Hunter Pence uses the word irregardless. 

Hunter Pence don' need no stinkin' badges

Hunter Pence drinks Chai Lattes

A fight broke out in Paris between Justin Bieber and the paparazzi. How do you chose sides here? It’s like al Qaeda versus ISIS.

New York Giant, Antrel Rolle, said his teammate, Prince Amukamara, is having a good year because he is finally having sex. That isn’t right, the Oakland Raiders are having an awful year and they’re totally screwed.

In Louisiana, two blonde female teachers are accused of having a threesome with a 16-year-old male student. The women were charged with carnal knowledge of a juvenile, and the boy was charged with excessive high-fiving.

Man, in high school I couldn't even nail anything in woodshop.

Since you asked: 
Love the “Masterchef,” Gordan Ramsey is the best, but the four finalists are all unlikeable. Don’t want any one of them to win. The last likeable contestant was Big Willy. Maybe Christian. And Jaimee. Jaimee is awesome. Just want to hug her. 
You know the contestants are unlikeable when you do not like them more than that snippy little bald judge, Joe Bastianich. 
Cutter is a big ol’ doofus redneck who blames everyone but himself for his many stupid mistakes. The only thing likeable about him is he hates Leslie as much as we do.
Leslie is just the worst. The worst. He is smug, snotty, arrogant, hateful, rude and he can’t shut up about how rich he is. He isn't rich, his wife is. But he is the proverbial bad penny, he just keeps showing up.
Elizabeth is as talented a chef as she is a stone-cold bitch. She has a serious case of resting bitch face and her eye-rolls at Courtney are epic. Elizabeth throws more shade than the Black Forest. But she is not a hypocrite.
Courtney is a hypocrite. Her “Oh, look how cute I am” legs-crossed, pixie demeanor masks how she loves to stab people in the back – mostly Elizabeth – and twist the knife. Plus she keeps saying she worked in a Gentlemen’s club. There is no such thing as a Gentlemen’s club. They are called strip clubs.