Wednesday, August 06, 2014

In his right hand is the back-scratcher, Pratt's character, Andy, is the dumber-than-pig-poop boyfriend of the lovely Rishida Jones's character, Ann, and Pratt is inventing new levels of joy when he scratches himself in hilarious places. 

The Scrabble dictionary is adding 5,000 words. Including the word: Amishdefied. Verb. Amish-de-fied. When your power is out and your cell phone is dead and all you can do is get all Amish on your ass and play Scrabble.

Kim Kardashian announced she is ending her feud with Paris Hilton. Suddenly all the worries about Israel V. Hamas, Russia V. Ukraine and the Ebola virus just faded away.

The Scrabble dictionary is adding 5,000 words. Including the word: Techno-geek-dork, that is someone who spends ten minutes trying to figure out how to power-up the game Scrabble.

Jack Nicklaus said Rory McIlroy is capable of winning twenty majors, but; “You just don’t know what a guy’s priorities are going to be in a few years.” Translation: unless he suddenly gets as horny as Tiger Woods did.

At a Los Angeles Dodgers game, super model Christine Tiegan, threw a strike for the first pitch and later admitted she was drunk. How does that make rapper 50 Cent feel to know a drunk super model threw 100 times better than he did?

The Scrabble dictionary is adding 5,000 words. And they are taking out the Bieber fan word, Belieber, and replacing it with the more up-to-date Bieber-reliever which means piss on Justin Bieber.

Since you asked:
Could not be happier for the amazing success of my boy, Chris Pratt. Was a huge fan from his scene in “Parks and Recreation” where he uses the back scratcher in his nether regions and his eyes roll back in his head with ecstasy.
Apparently he was only hired for a couple of shows, but the cast and crew fell in love and signed him up for good. Wise move.

Here’s how much of a fan of Chris Pratt I am. When I found out he was marrying Ana Faris, my hall pass girl, I still was a huge fan.

 Sometimes it is so fun to lie.

Let me explain. So I am trying to make a bucket-list dream come true to stand up paddle board around Alcatraz and film it on GoPro, when I start running into more resistance than a Green Bay Packer lineman trying to kill Chicago Bear QB, Jay Cutler.
The flights, hotels and entire city of San Francisco are in ultra-zoo mode due to a music festival, Outside Lands.
My best friend traveling from New Jersey nixed the paddle trip, and now I call a paddle board rental shop in Sausalito and the guy gives me utter and fresh attitude telling me three times their boards are not allowed to go around Alcatraz. He had very good reasons for this, liability, out of their life boat range, etc.
But he was kind of snuffy. Snooty matched with huffy. That is when the lying started.
So I call back saying this paddle rental is a documentary co-funded by “Outside” magazine "GoPro", "Surfline" and “Stand Up Paddle Magazine” consisting of 20 seasoned and expert stand up paddle boards. Then I identify myself as the producer – for lack of a better word.
We will document the paddle, I lie to him, around Alcatraz with GoPro footage, but then we would edit in stock archive footage of old prison clips and scenes of various movies depicting the escapes from Alcatraz. Then we would show the perspective of those escape points on GoPro clips from head level on the water.
All of that a lie, especially the 20 people part. But suddenly my man, Marty McSnuffy, is very nice and accommodating. Turns out he is a pretty good guy, after all and was helpful in giving me the number of a shop that rented closer to Alcatraz.
Still going to do this someday, but now I have the info. You have to launch at Sea Park near Coyote point – where I once windsurfed – and you have to leave to start paddling at 7 am and be back my no later than 8:30. After that time, time, tide and wind and waves would make it challenging for Laird Hamilton.
And I ain’t Laird Hamilton. I’m good, but I ain’t Laird.