Sunday, August 03, 2014

Actor Orlando Bloom punched Justin Bieber. It was pretty bad, Justin could have a bruise on his vagina.

Since you asked:

Tiger’s Balky Back

Having had back pain since one year after tearing my hamstring my senior year in high school – thanks again, Chick Chicowski -  I can speak to 38 years of back pain.
When Tiger lurched at that shot just above the sand trap on two and fell back into the trap, I knew he had tweaked his back. The commentator, Nick Faldo, said he didn’t look like he was in pain.
That is not how it works, Sir Nickerness.
But Tiger had an operation to fix his back, you say?
Operation, shmoperation.
Never known anyone to have a 100% successful back operation, especially fusions. Usually they just trade one problem for another one.
Once you injure your back, you’re a back patient for life. Period.
When you re-injure your back, like I did a few weeks ago jumping off my surfboard and landing in water that was way more shallow than I anticipated, there is an initial jolt that merely lets you know you are in for more pain later. Like Tiger could play seven more holes, I could keep on surfing.
But by the time my one-hour session was over, I needed my daughter to help me lift my board off the top of my car. The trauma just starts with a tweak that lets you know your back is out. You have a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and it feels like the side of your pelvis is pointing forward. Soon after this, my left foot goes asleep forever.
And then the lower-back spasms start. There is nothing you can do including breathing regularly. When my back is out, I can be in the middle of a sentence and suddenly I will get a spasm that knocks the wind out of me and I go silent with a slight wheeze.
This can go on for weeks or until two days later when you wake up suddenly all relaxed, twist your back and a glorious “POP” just above your pelvis relieves almost all of your pain. The feeling in my left toes comes back and all that is left is the residual soreness from having your lower back muscles spasm for so hard and long.
Last Saturday, I played golf in Santa Barbara, chunked a shot and my back went right out. By the next shot, I had jumped into the cart and I felt my back pop back in, and I was fine. That is how short it can last.
Or it can go out for weeks.
The long and short of it is the pain never goes away. If your back is out, the pain is worse from the sharp spasms. When your back goes, well, back, it is sore from when it was spasming. (If that is a word)

It will not be possible for Tiger to be the Tiger who did not have this back injury. (See: Freddy Couples) He will have periods where he will be his old brilliant self, but they will not last long.