“Comic Con” begins in San Diego on Thursday, so get your computers and internet servers fixed now.

“Comic Con” begins in San Diego on Thursday. It is the only time of the year where hookers are hired to play Dungeons and Dragons.

Commenting on the downing of the MH17 flight, a US official said there won’t be a Perry Mason moment where the shooter is revealed. This just in: that US official is very, very old.

Commenting on the downing of the MH17 flight, a US official said there won’t be a Perry Mason moment where the shooter is revealed. That official then left to buy a single from that new band called “The Beatles” to play on his phonograph.

A study from UC San Diego claims dogs get jealous. In a related story, upon hearing of this dog jealousy study, parents paying tuition at UC San Diego are pissed off.

Random Randoms:

All the stink about Tony Dungy saying he wouldn't draft Michael Sam due to all the distractions that would surround the first openly gay NFL player?

Sam was the seventh from last player drafted at 249 in the seventh round. Not positive, but I think I was the 250th player taken in the draft. Plus there are a ton of walk-ons. His chance of making the Rams is small. Yes, he was a great SEC player, but, like Tim Tebow, his skills simply do not fit the NFL. Slow forty and only weighs 240. Falls between the cracks. 

Personally, I hope Sam makes it. He seems like a great guy and it would be interesting. 

The official signature move for a-holes is tail-gating. (driving-too close kind, not partying before a game) 

How do people at baseball games who wave to the camera while on their cell phones not know they look like utter tools? 

Here is the thing about the Tour De France and the World Cup. They are just too European for Americans. 

For soccer - yes, we call it soccer, get used to it - flopping, crying, hugging, writhing on the stretcher only to hop off and run back in the game. Single names. Borrowed players. Friendlies. Ads on the jersies, calling the jersies kits. Boots? Kits and Boots should be a cat food. 

As for the Tour De France, the scheming, the in-fighting, the picking the winner. How about this? You all just get on your bikes and pedal as fast as you can. Whoever gets to Paris and the finish line first wins. Deal? 

Can we put a moratorium on finger quotes for at least a month? And saying really too much. Really? Do we have to use really this much? 

Dear Contestants of "Chopped":

Love that you have all those tattoos. Love that you're playing for your partner. Love that you are ten years clean and sober. Love that you like to use organic, sustainble, bio-dynamic, seasonal products. Sorry your loved one died last year. Love that you incorporate science in your cooking and that you like to think outside the box. Yes, I get that the 20 minutes during the appetizer round went really fast. 

But for the love of decency, USE ALL OF THE PRODUCTS IN THE DAMN BOX. If there are four, write down the number four and then ask yourself: "Are the four things they gave me in my dish?"