Apparently there is a sex tape featuring Johnny Carson and his then-wife, Joanne and, well, Johnny comes off rather well. Let’s just say his Carnac really was magnificent.

Let’s just say when they got to the Slausen cut-off, nobody had cut off Johnny’s Slausen.

Dare anybody to say they have been a bigger Zach Galifianakis fan longer than me. Since his first appearances on Conan about ten years ago doing his Steven Wright-with-a-piano schtick, I knew he was wildly talented.

But the truth is about seven-to-nine years ago he was an equally wildly under-paid and under-known comedian touring small clubs with Patton Oswalt and Maria Bamford in the Comedians of Comedy tour, riding in a van too hung-over and tired to talk. And that tour was a huge break for them. 

Now Zach is a bonafide movie star interviewing President Obama on his anti-talk show, “Between Two Ferns.” Zach has got a pair of stones the size of beach balls. 

There is hope for even my old, sorry ass.