A bird? A plane? No, it's Super Wally

They up and just got they hair did, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

President Obama didn’t have a costume; his advisors didn’t tell him it was Halloween.

A study claims men are aroused sexually by pumpkins; which explains how Snooki was able to get pregnant.

Rumor has it the daughters of Bruce and Kris Jenner, Kylie, 16 and Kendall, 17, are already spiraling out of control with plastic surgery and partying; why do I get the feeling the words admitted, dehydrated and exhaustion are in their future?

In “Keeping up with the Kardashians” Bruce Jenner is being driven by his 16-year-old daughter, Kylie, and Bruce loses it at the paparazzi following them. Getting upset at photographers while filming a reality show is like suing a hooker for sexual harassment.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has suddenly reversed his position and now says gays will be welcome at the Sochi Olympics; and if there is one way to become popular with the gay fellas, it is to suddenly reverse your position.

Gays and lesbians will be welcome at the Sochi Olympics; so congratulations men’s figure skating, women’s snowboarding and the two-man luge, you’re back in.

There is a phenomenon on social networks called Drunk Posting. That’s when you posted last night on Facebook or Twitter, but you don’t remember it. Folks, that’s how you know you’re really drunk; when you have drank your ugly-ass drunk-selfie hot and posted it.

Lex’s Random Thoughts

You want to know how much hot women love sports stars and rock and rollers? The Boston Red Sox and the guys from ZZ Top get laid.

Why are these NFL jerseys getting sweat stained panel by panel?

Why is it so easy to figure out if a baseball player catches a ball (He doesn’t drop it) and so wildly complicated to figure out if an NFL player has caught a ball? (Possession and then control of the ball, two feet in bounds and a football made move immediately after and even then it is probably going to be reviewed)

Driving while talking on iPhone is still illegal, right?

Why isn’t driving with a lap dog in your lap illegal?

What did I eat last night that has my stomach sounding like Chewbacca in a cave hate- effing R2D2?

If you don’ts gots to do to know, then what you doin’ it fo'?

“Slappass Sally and the Skanky Shanks” is my new country musical play opening in Branson, Missouri.