OK, folks, you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

*During the US Open’s men’s final, announcer, John McEnroe called an unruly fan a loudmouth jerk. Being called a loudmouth jerk by “Super Brat” John McEnroe is like Donald Trump telling you you’re having a bad hair day. 

*Florida police arrested George Zimmerman for pulling a gun on his wife; do you realize what this might mean? It’s not certain, but it is now possible that the Reverend Al Sharpton Jr. was right about something. It’s a miracle. 

*At the US Open tennis final, Spain’s Rafael Nadal defeated Serbia’s Novak Djokavic. At one point they had a 54 shot point. 54 shots. That’s a Mel Gibson/Lindsay Lohan Happy Hour. 

*USC coach Lane Kiffin job is in jeopardy after a horrible 10-7 loss to Washington State; is it just me or doesn’t Kiffin look like the jerk at Starbucks who parked his BMW in the fire lane who is in line talking loudly on his Bluetooth?   

*Women excited about the erotic novel, “50 Shades of Grey” being made a movie; woman claim to like the domination role-playing. They never mention the tiny detail the leading man, Christian Grey, is a billionaire. How erotic would it be if Grey worked at Best Buy? 

Listen, I get that Miley Cyrus does not want to be Hanna Montana anymore. But does she have to be the Skank from Burbank? 

Lex’s Random Thoughts

NFL players are amazing. 195-pound receivers knocking down 305-pound linemen; 305-pound lineman running down 195-pound receivers. Running backs are a rock-solid 250-pounds. In 1985, that was what the linemen weighed. 

Heard REM’s “Closing Time” and it dawned on me it is very possible I may never be in a bar at closing time again. 

This new hurried-up-hurried-up, up-tempo Eagles offense is wild. The only thing more useless in sports, besides the uniform on a baseball manager, is an utterly exhausted 310 pound defensive lineman. 

 Is it just me or does Syrian President Bashar al-Assad look like an accountant turning down a salesman’s request to be reimbursed for a strip club expense?